


This Is Not Your Parent's K2

by fallingwthstyle



Category: South Park
Genre: Drama, End of the World, Humor, M/M, Romance, Smut, Supernatural Elements, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:03:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3615921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingwthstyle/pseuds/fallingwthstyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenny once again wakes up in bed newly reincarnated, only this time his former self (who didn't die) walks into their room a few minutes later. Now that there are two of them, they have much to figure out in terms of what to do about their family, social life, and their boyfriend. But…first things first! Kenny/Kenny. "K2"/Butters. Complete except for an alternate ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Glitch In The Matrix

Art by foopal

I don't want to get up yet, okay?

I mean…I don't like to complain, but coming back to life fucking  _hurts_. Every bone in my body feels like broken glass, my head is throbbing, and I just want to lay here in bed in the dark for a while before I have to face the world. Fuck my life.

As carefully as possible, I rolled onto my side facing the door and pulled the hood of the parka I always wake up in around my face, trying not to think about anything. Like how I'd just spent what felt like twelve hours in hell, playing cards and bullshitting with Chef and Damien; and wondering how long I'd actually been dead this time, because time is reckoned very differently in hell than it is here. Hopefully it wasn't more than a day or two.

It was almost funny. This was the second time I've been struck by lightning (at least I assume that's what that bright flash of light and what sounded like a cannon being fired right next to my ear was just before I fucking  _died_ ).

Whatever. It was a stupid way to die, and what kept it from actually  _being_  funny was the fact that Butters had been standing ten feet away, and either saw it happen or turned around immediately afterward. Either way, he was  _there…_ and dear God I hope he's already forgotten about it and didn't remember it for too long.

At least it didn't happen one minute sooner, or we would have been standing next to each other, probably sucking on each other's faces while his fingertips worked their way down the back of my pants.

So much for trying not to think about anything.

I moaned and curled up tighter, reaching down with one hand to pull the blanket higher over me since I'm naked from the waist down. I hoped Butters was asleep and having good dreams.  _I need to text him._

Judging from the complete lack of light coming around the edges of the cardboard taped over my broken window, it was the middle of the night. Much too early to text or call him, no matter how worried I was about him.

My mind refuses to shut off. For an instant I wondered what day it is, and whether I need to be at the bus stop in a few hours or if I could sleep in; then I remembered that summer vacation had started a few days ago, senior year of high school was almost three months away, and it didn't matter what day it was. I could lay here as long as I want to.

Knowing this made me feel a whole lot better. I could sleep for a few hours and be as good as new.

I was just starting to doze off when I was awakened by footsteps in the hall outside my door, getting closer and not making any effort to be quiet. Kevin had long since moved out, and mom worked seven nights a week; my dad usually got up to piss in the middle of the night, but the bathroom was at the other end of the hall and he always went right back to bed. These footsteps were right outside my door though. That left only Karen, and she hadn't come into my room after having a bad dream in years; so who the hell just twisted my doorknob?

The door swung open and I sat up, groaning at the pain in my back. Mother _fucker_ …! Someone reached their hand through the door and  _turned on the light switch,_  and I winced and put a hand over my eyes at the sudden glare from the overhead light.

This had better be either someone I know having a life or death emergency needing my help…or Karen; or else somebody was about to get their ass kicked.

"Oh holy shit," whoever had just walked into my room and temporarily blinded me said in a surprisingly familiar voice. "Oh  _fuck!_ "

I opened my eyes just enough to squint through the glare to see what the commotion was about. Of course I recognized the voice; it was  _me_  standing in the door looking back at me; who else would have the balls to turn on the light—

Wait, what?

He ( _I!_ ) was wearing jeans and one of our dad's old Def Leppard tee shirts and his hair was probably more disheveled than mine was at the moment ( _he just got laid_ , I though jealously and again my mind went to Butters and how badly I needed to see him) …but it was  _me_ standing there. We stared at each other for a long moment.

"What…what are you doing here?" I finally asked, and at the same moment I figured most of it out. I don't understand  _how_  it happened (yet), but I know _what_  happened: Something had gone wrong with that whole life / death/ rebirth thing I'm cursed with, and now there's two of me. Or two of  _us_ …

"This is my room, and I was about to go to bed," the other Kenny replied. "What are  _you_  doing here?" He took a single step into the room and closed the door.

"I'm not sure," I said slowly. "I mean…I think it's obvious what happened, I just don't get why it—"

"Wait," Kenny interrupted, narrowing his eyes. "Hold up…did—did you just reincarnate?"

He's figuring it out too. Thank God…I really didn't want to have to try to explain this. "Uh huh," I lay back down, secretly proud of myself for figuring it out first. "About fifteen minutes ago."

"Oh, man…" He took two steps closer, regarding me carefully. "So, uh…how are you doing?" I was strangely moved by the question. No one had ever asked me how the painful rebirth process was going before, and who else could really relate to what that's like beside myself?

"Um…the worst is over, I guess?" My bones still ached, but it was becoming more bearable. He nodded sympathetically, knowing what I'm going through. I looked up at him and added, "I'm almost okay now."

This was already way too weird, and it suddenly got a lot weirder when my dick twitched underneath the blanket at the sight of him standing three feet away looking back at me. I'm usually horny at about this point in the rebirth process, and damn he looks good; but sex should be the  _last_  thing on my mind right now with…  _this_  going on. I normally would take matters into my own hands (so to speak) while thinking about Butters, but I just had the most fucked up idea…

I shook my head. No. Bad Kenny.

He sat down on the edge of the mattress, still studying me. I rolled over on my back and sat up straighter, resting my shoulders against the wall and arranging the blanket around my chest. If my dick gets any harder, I'm going to have to bend my knees or something to hide it.

"So," I said. "It looks like the universe fucked up. It's like some weird glitch in the matrix, but it must have thought I was dead or something, but I don't get  _why_  it happened, or why you're here."

He seemed to be deep in thought too; and when his eyes widened, I knew he'd come up with a theory.

"Okay, hold on," he said. "This is actually starting to make sense. How did you die?"

"I got hit by lightning?" I replied. "Or at least…that's what I think it was? I know I died, and it felt like I was gone for about twelve hours, and then I woke up here, just like always."

He nodded. "Yeah…" He reached toward me and then stopped. His eyes seemed to be asking my permission for something. "Hey, I want to see something, okay?" he asked, and at my cautious nod, he reached for the collar of my parka and eased it back, baring my right shoulder. I didn't know what he was doing but my dick suddenly rolled across my thigh as it get even harder, and when his fingers brushed over the skin covering my clavicle I had to suppress a groan.

"Wow," he whispered. "Okay, geez." He pulled my parka closed again and took his hand away; a moment later he reached down and pulled his tee shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor.

The sight of myself sitting shirtless next to me didn't help my erection go away; I bent my knees under the blanket while I looked him over.

He had the same body I saw every time I looked in the mirror without a shirt on, the same navel and nipples, the same moles and freckles scattered across his chest and torso—but he also had something I'd never seen on myself before, a large scar on the front of his right shoulder, an area of puckered skin about the size of a baseball. It looked like the sort of scar a severe burn would leave.

_"_ _I_  got hit by lightning," he said quietly. "Only…I didn't die." I could have heard a pin drop as he continued. "Well, no; I mean I  _did…_ but Butters came running over and started doing mouth to mouth on me…and there was a cop nearby who saw the whole thing and heard him screaming. He…" He sighed. "The cop had a defibrillator in his car and came running over with it and zapped me back to life. I…I was dead for like a minute." He fingered the edge of the scar on his clavicle, stretching the puckered skin until it was smooth and shiny. "I guess  _I'll_ have to die now, to get rid of this."

Okay, this  _was_  starting to make sense. "All right," I said. "So I got hit by lightning and died…and whatever happened, it was enough for the universe to think I was dead and reincarnate me, even though  _you_  didn't die." I shook my head. "Jesus, this does make a weird kind of sense."

"You and I are the only two people in the whole world who would think so," he said with a smile, and then his eyes widened again. "Ah dude, something you should know: That happened—" he paused to think for a moment. "Ten days ago."

Oh shit…I've been dead that long? He must have seen the question in my eyes because he added, "Yeah…sorry man. Today's July second."

I nodded as I took this in; I'd been dead for ten days this time. There would be a lot of catching up I'll need to do. Ten days, fuck my life again. What have "I" been up to for the past week and a half, and how were we going to explain any of this to anyone?

He was apparently thinking of something completely different. "Hey…do you remember the last time I…er,  _we_ …got hit by lightning?"

I had to think about the question; I've died so many times and in so many different ways that they all kind of blurred together. The last time I'd been hit by lightning had been…

Holy fucking shit.

"It was when," I said wonderingly, "we went to South America with Mr. Garrison's class, back in fourth grade." I sat up straighter and leaned forward. "To sing in that 'Save the stupid rain forest' thing, only we all got lost instead. Once we found our way back to our group, I got hit by lightning…"

"Only we didn't die," Kenny said, still speaking in barely a whisper.

"No!" I replied. "I  _did_ die…but that girl I met there. Kelly? She gave me mouth to mouth…"

"And brought us back from the dead," Kenny finished for me. He sat down on the mattress next to me. "Maybe being hit by lightning before and not dying has something to do with this."

I nodded; it was as good a theory as anything I could come up with. "Jesus. What are we supposed to do now?" I was thinking of all the things we'd have to work out now that there was another one of me: Our friends and family, school eventually…would we be in the same classes? I felt my heart skip a beat when I thought about trying to explain this to Butters, and how he would take it.

At least he'll finally believe I wasn't lying about my curse.

"I dunno," he said a moment later; he'd been lost in thought as well, probably thinking about the same things I was. "But we'll work it out somehow. We always seem to." He grinned. "Well, at least  _I_  do."

I snorted. "Yeah, but you've gotta admit: This isn't like getting caught sneaking out of the house. This is kind of a big deal."

"Dude, this is South Park. Strange shit happens here all the time." He settled back, running his hands over his legs. "Sure, dad will probably bitch about the extra mouth to feed—" I couldn't help but laugh at that. "But people will get used to it, you'll see."

I nodded, still unable to look away from the scar on his chest; he was probably right. At least I hoped he was; it wasn't like everyone was going to run us out of town with torches and pitchforks.

He must have caught me staring, because he suddenly grinned.

"Hey dude…um…" He ran his hands down his chest, sliding them toward the waistband of his jeans and fingering his zipper suggestively. "I know something we  _could_  do in the meantime though, while we figure it out…?"

Oh fuck, that did it. My dick went completely hard in about three seconds as I thought about the things we could do together, and realized he was thinking the same thing.

I mentally slapped myself. Of course he was thinking the same thing I was.

Duh.

He was still looking at me, waiting for an answer. I made up my mind instantly. "Oh  _fuck_ yeah."

 

 


	2. First Things First

Kenny surged forward and crawled on top of me, pushing me onto my back and opening my parka to run his hands along my sides. I shivered at his touch, feeling oddly bashful and grateful that the blanket was still covering my lower half. He must have sensed my hesitation, because he leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll be gentle; I'm going to take good care of you."

That sent me into a fit of hysterical laughter, and he joined me a moment later, burying his own mirth against my neck. Those were the same words I'd said to Butters the night I finally took his virginity four months ago. It seemed to have been the perfect thing to say; Butters had looked at me gratefully, and it had gone on to be one of the best nights of my life.

Me, whispering those words to myself however, was one of the funniest things I'd ever heard.

"Dude," I said, reaching around behind him to wipe my eyes. I couldn't think of anything clever to add, so I asked him: "So you're going to top, huh?"

He nodded and smirked. "Of course! Don't I always?"

I laughed again. "There is so much wrong with that." I pushed up against him, grinding my erection against his through the blanket and his jeans.

"God, you're such a fucking horndog," Kenny said with a smile, settling back on his haunches to study me. "Of course you'd agree to this."

"Shut up, McCormick. Like you've never thought about boning yourself if you ever had the chance." I knew he'd thought about it, because  _I've_ thought of it…many times. "You'd have agreed too, if I'd suggested it first."

"Yeah…" he came at me again, settling his weight against me and pinning me to the bed. I rolled us onto our sides, and we quickly got each other's clothes off and once we had, we took a long moment to admire each other's bodies.

"Wow," he said wonderingly. "We're going to have to break out the razor before you see Butters."

I chuckled, looking from his carefully manscaped groin to my own wildly unshaven one. 'The razor' was our dad's old electric razor that we kept in the drawer of the nightstand; I used it to shave my balls (Butters loves them that way) and trim my unruly nest of pubes. I usually let Butters do it for me, after doing it myself the first time after each reincarnation so I don't have to try to explain to him how my body hair grew back so quickly.

Kenny leaned in to kiss me, reaching behind my back to pull us close. I reached around him to cup his ass. My mouth was watering at the sight of his erect penis. I'd often wondered what sucking my own dick would be like, and always thought I'd never be able to, limited by the flexibility of my own neck and back (I've tried, believe me). Now that it was right there in front of me I wasted no time crawling down to get it into my mouth and tried to suppress my gag reflex as I took half his length in. He tasted wonderful, but I was going to have a hard time taking it all. Butters is  _much_  better at doing this than I am.

He moaned, thrusting against my face, probably involuntarily (because it's something I might have done). I choked and had to stop, pressing my face against his belly while I caught my breath.

"Shit, sorry," he whispered, reaching down to pull me against him. "I'm sorry, man. I'm kind of used to Butters doing that, and he likes it when…well, you already know." I hugged him back as his lips found one of my earlobes and sucked it. I moaned; of course he would know where all my hot spots were.

"It's okay," I whispered. "I mean…after everything  _else_  we've been through…having sex with ourselves should be easy, right?"

I knew he understood what I meant: We've died together; we'd been burned to death, torn apart, impaled…and seen the afterlife together, most of which is pretty nice but some of which is pure necronomicon evil. Having sex with each other should be a piece of cake.

After that, he seemed content to let me take charge, and I flipped myself around on the bed so I could blow him and offered him my dick at the same time. It seemed like a better idea than one of us dominating the other. He quickly got it and went to work on me as well, and for several minutes there were only the soft, wet sounds of us pleasuring each other. I noticed again how we both knew exactly what to do to each other to leave the other moaning and breathless.

He tensed up and came first, and I took every bit like a trooper, my own orgasm ripping through me a few moments later. Afterward we cuddled up to each other, pulling the blanket around our shoulders.

"So… _that's_  what I taste like," I whispered. It seemed different from the few times I'd tried my own cum by licking it from my hand. I could totally get behind doing that again.

He cuffed the back of my head, gently and good naturedly. "Asshole…I was just about to say the same thing."

We lay together quietly, his heartbeat loud and slow in my ear. This was nice, but it wasn't like cuddling with Butters. Nothing is as good as cuddling with Butters.

"So," I finally said several minutes later. " _Now_  do you want to talk about what we should do?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I've been thinking about that. I think we should tell Butters first. Let's see how he handles it, and then maybe tell Stan and Kyle. I think we'd better wait on telling Cartman though." That much seemed sensible and I nodded in agreement. He added, "Maybe one of us should hide from everyone for a while…or we can take turns?"

"Nah…I volunteer for that job. Just don't forget to throw some food to me once in a while."

He grinned. "Hey, I wonder if the two of us qualify mom and dad for more food stamps?"

We laughed, curling up together and pulling the blanket over us.

"Does that still hurt?" I asked, tracing a fingertip across the scar on his shoulder. It looked like it could still be tender.

"Nah…not anymore." He sighed. "It hurt like a  _bitch_  for a few days though."

I nodded and cuddled up closer to him. We both sighed contentedly at the same moment.

"I could go to sleep," he whispered against my scalp. "Y'want to?"

"Uh huh," I whispered and closed my eyes. He arranged the blanket around us and pulled me closer, and the next thing I knew sunlight was streaming into the room in dusty shafts around the edges of the cardboard over the window. Kenny was still asleep, and I eased away from him and sat up.

My cell phone was in the drawer of the nightstand, and while I was pondering digging it out and texting Butters, Kenny woke up. He smiled up at me. "Hey."

"Hey," I whispered back. "I was just thinking about texting Butters. You know he's going to call us soon."

He grinned and sat up next to me, pulling the blankets over his lap. "Yeah, we should."

Just as he said that,  _two_  cell phones rang simultaneously. Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt' announced an incoming call from both the nightstand and the pile of clothes on the floor. We looked at each other and laughed; my heart was racing, and I was sure his was too. Of course we both had our own phones.

He leaned down to pick his jeans up off the floor, and for a moment his bare ass was a foot away from my face. I shook my head as my dick once again twitched. He flipped open his phone and I read the display over his shoulder.

_Incoming text from_ DRLNGBTTRCUP:  _Where are you?_

He turned to look at me for a moment before tapping out a reply:  _home. decided 2 sleep in 2day :)_

I nodded approvingly at that reply; it was something I would say. Duh…of course it was. A moment later Butters' reply came back.

DRLNGBTTRCUP:  _Are you sick?_

"Umm…what should I tell him?"

I chuckled. "Don't ask me! You're the one that answered him first."

Kenny's fingers paused a moment as he thought, then typed:  _nah just lazy._

"I'm sure he'll want to meet up soon," I said as we waited for his reply. "You go ahead; I wouldn't mind staying here and sleeping a little more. We can tell him about us this afternoon."

He nodded. Butters reply came back:

DRLNGBTTRCUP:  _Can I come over?_ '

We looked at each other again, Kenny's face looking nervous. "Well?"

"We can't say no," I replied. "Tell him…tell him yes. I'll just hide back here when you leave."

Kenny's thumbs typed out a single word: s _ure_

"Ask him when he's going to get here," I said right after he hit 'send'. Kenny nodded and tapped out another message.

_Where R U ?_

Butters' reply came a few seconds later.  _Right outside your bedroom :c)_

We both jumped and Kenny dropped his phone in his lap when there was a soft knock on the window. 

 


	3. Two Kens For Every Butters

_(Chapter title from Jan And Dean's song 'Surf City'.)_

 

"Oh,  _shit!_ " I whisper-shouted, scrambling from under the blanket, forgetting I was naked until I'm standing beside the bed. I looked around desperately and finally picked my parka up off the floor and held it against myself. "Dude…you gotta loan me some clothes."

Kenny chuckled, leisurely putting on the boxers and pants I'd removed from him minutes before. "That's pretty funny; you have your own cell phone, but don't have any clothes except that parka."

"Come on, man," I replied, trying not to laugh while I looked around for something to wear.

He pulled his tee shirt over his head and stood up. "You know where everything is."

I mentally slapped myself; of course I did. I backed away from him and opened the dresser drawer to look for underwear and a shirt. For a moment I wondered if I should be disgusted at the idea of wearing someone else's boxers, then winced at how stupid that was. I put on the first pair I saw and grabbed a shirt, then opened the closet door to look for a pair of jeans from the pile on the floor just inside. As I picked up a reasonably clean pair, there was another knock from outside, and I turned at the sound. Kenny was standing next to the window, about to pull the cardboard back so he could open the window.

"Maybe you should hide in there before he comes in for a few minutes, so I can try to get him ready for this or something."

I pulled the shirt on and nodded. "That's probably a good idea." I put on the pants and stepped into the closet, turning around to face the room.

"I'm not responsible for anything you might see," he said with a wicked grin, looking back at me.

"Yeah, yeah; just get on with it." I threw a sock at him and pulled the door almost closed, leaving a small gap to spy through.

I could only see a thin slice of the room as I peered through the door with my unsquinted eye. Kenny peeled back the loose duct tape at the bottom corner of the cardboard, bending it back so he could open the window. Butters stuck his head in and grinned, and my heart soared at the sight.

He was so beautiful. He had really come a long way since his dad finally ran off for good with one of his friends from the White Swallow Spa six months ago, and his mother was so busy with her own affair (with Mr. Adler the shop teacher) that she pretty much left him to his own devices. He was a normal, horny teenager after all.

Butters climbed the rest of the way in and launched himself at Kenny as soon as he was inside. "Hey, Ken!" he said brightly, throwing his arms around him and planting a flurry of kisses on his face and neck. "Did you miss me?"

I felt a stab of jealousy as he hugged Butters back.  _Won't be much longer,_  I told myself. I wanted those arms around  _me_. "Of course I did," Kenny replied as Butters continued kissing him. He allowed it for a moment, then took a step back, holding Butters at arms' length.

"Butters…I need to talk to you about something, okay? Like,  _before_  we fool around."

"Why don't you tell me what it is afterward Kenny," Butters said, breaking free of Kenny's grip to hug him again. "I really want you right now."

Kenny once again held him close for a moment, then resolutely took a step back. "Dude, I'm  _serious_ , okay? We have to talk…before we do anything else." He sat down on the bed facing me, easing Butters down onto the mattress in front of him.

That seemed to finally get through to Butters, and even with his back to me I could see some of the enthusiasm leave him as his shoulders slumped. I held my breath waiting for one of them to speak next.

"Aww, Kenny. You're not breakin' up with me, are ya?"

_Shit_. My heart skipped a beat. Why would he say that? I wanted to rush out there to be with him, but realized that was probably a bad idea; I'd probably scare the fuck out of him right now if I did that. I was glaring angrily through the gap in the closet door, waiting to see how Kenny handled this. I've been away for ten days…and if  _he_  did anything to fuck up what  _I_  have with Butters—

Holy shit, this could get complicated.

"Butters!" Kenny replied, sounding dismayed. "Jesus Christ dude… _no!_  Of course not." He put both hands on Butters' cheeks and leaned forward to kiss his forehead.  _Okay, that's better_. "Hey…" I could barely hear him as he whispered against Butters' hairline. "I  _love_  you, remember? Of course I'm not breaking up with you." He moved down to kiss him again, on the lips this time. I watched as Butters melted against him. "But dude…there's something really important I need to talk to you about, okay? Before we do anything else."

Butters sat up straighter, readying himself to listen to whatever he had to say. "Then…I guess you'd better tell me what it is, Ken."

Kenny looked down at his lap, not saying anything for a long moment. "Okay, look." He raised his head again, his eyes briefly meeting mine before turning back to Butters. "This is kind of weird…but don't say anything for a minute, okay? I know you're going to want to, but." He looked down again. "This is about my curse."

He seemed to be waiting for Butters to say something, and when he didn't (obeying his request not to, no doubt) he continued. "I know you've said you believe me, mostly just to get me to stop talking about it…"

"Kenny," Butters whined. "Really? We're going to talk about that again, after all this time? I said I believe you…I…I don't know what else to say."

"I know." There was a long, awkward silence. I don't think I could have handled this any better than he was so far. "Look…what if I told you I could _prove_  what I said was true? What if—"

"Kenny, I don't want to watch you shoot yourself!" I winced, and he continued, more softly: "I mean…I know you said you did before, and none of us remember. But…I—I really don't want to see you do that."

"I'm not going to shoot myself, Butters," Kenny said. "First of all, I wouldn't put you through that. But…look, man. Something's happened. It's something I'm going to have to deal with…and  _we're_  going to have to deal with too. And once you see what it is and I explain it, it'll prove once and for all I've been telling you the truth all along about this." He looked over Butters' shoulder toward the closet door. "Um…"

That seemed to be my cue. I pushed the door open and took a step into the room.

Butters whirled around to see who had been hiding in the closet, a guilty look on his face as if he'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. When he saw me, his face went through a series of expressions, from surprise to confusion to alarm. "Ken…?" He was staring at me, but talking to the Kenny sitting beside him on the bed.

"It's me, dude," I said quietly. I didn't like how this was going at all; he almost looked like he was frightened of me.

"Yeah, Butters," Kenny added. "It is."

Butters was looking back and forth between us. "Wait…how did…?" He scratched his head.

"Do you remember when I got hit by lightning?" Kenny asked. "Okay, stupid question…of course you remember that. Well—"

"I'll never forget that day for as long as I live," Butters interrupted somberly. "I thought I lost you."

Kenny's eyes locked with mine. I cleared my throat and said: "You did." At Butters' confused look, I added: "You  _did_  lose me; I died that day. Only this time,  _this_  thing happened. We don't know why, or why I died and he didn't…but, it did. And…um. Well, here we all are."

Butters looked like he was trying to process this. "Everything I ever—" Kenny stopped and started over. "Everything  _we_  ever told you about us dying all the time and coming back to life was the truth. You've seen it happen a bunch of times and forgot; well, now you've got proof."

Butters nodded. "Okay." He swallowed and looked back and forth between us. "This is going to take some getting used to."

"We know," I replied. "You're the first person we've told. We're still trying to figure out what to do about this."

There was a long silence while Butters continued to process what we'd told him. I wished he would stop looking so nervous about my being there.

"I'm going to go get us some snacks or something," Kenny said, standing up. It obviously was a ruse to leave the room and give us some time alone together, since most of the snacks I have to offer (most of which Butters bought and brought over) were either under the bed or hidden away in one of my dresser drawers. On the other hand, he could check the rest of the house and make sure just the three of us were there. We likely were; Dad had just gotten his monthly check and was most likely at Skeeter's Bar; mom had the 10-5 shift at Olive Garden, and Karen was probably with Ruby and her friends.

Once he had left the room, Butters and I looked at each other. I spoke first.

"Hey, dude…can I have a hug?"

He looked at me anxiously and I quickly added. "It's still  _me_ , you know?" I must have looked pretty unhappy, because his eyes narrowed in that way he had when we were in perfect understanding with each other about something, and he rushed over to me and thank  _god_  he was finally hugging me.

I hugged him back just as tightly, burying my face gratefully against his shoulder.

"Ken…?" I nuzzled my face into his neck. "It really is you, isn't it?"

"Uh huh." I took a step back to look at him, my hands holding both his shoulders. "This is pretty scary for me, man," I said quietly, conscious that  _Other Kenny_  would be walking back into the room at any moment.

He nodded. "What's it like?" He closed the gap between us again, wrapping his arms around me again. "Dying all the time? Do you…ever get used to it?"

"Nope," I replied immediately. "That's something I'll never get used to. It's just as scary, and it hurts just as much, every single time." He hugged me harder and I sighed against his shoulder, grateful to finally be able to talk to him about this, knowing he actually believes me. "I guess maybe I've gotten used to the  _idea_  of it? I don't know; but the actual dying part? No, that's something I've never gotten used to."

"It must be awful," he replied. "I mean…you said you've burned to death? And been hit by a train…?"

He was trying to remember things I'd told him that he thought were just stories I made up for some reason, stories that he was only now figuring out were all true.

"And been shot," I said. "And shot myself—twice—right in front of you; and been trampled by a herd of cows…" I sighed. "Everything I ever told you was true."

"I'm sorry I didn't really believe you before, Kenny." He looked down at his feet. "I do now, though, I promise."

I think that was what I needed to hear most of all. "It's okay," I told him. "You know the most painful part though?" I waited for him to reply, and he finally gave me a simple shake of his head. "Coming back. The first five minutes are the worst."

"Does it always happen here?"

"Uh huh. Every single time, I wake up in my own bed; and it's like my body isn't quite finished putting itself back together. It's a lot worse now; it didn't hurt near as much when I was only three and a half feet tall…" I felt him shudder. "But the first five minutes? It's like my bones aren't big enough for my body or something. I just hope I'm almost done growing; maybe from now on it won't hurt any more than it does already." I realized I was pouring my heart out to him and stopped talking.

Kenny chose that moment to return, slowly pushing open the bedroom door and peering in carrying a half empty bag of Cheesy Poofs. We both turned to look at him.

"Aw," he said, stepping into the room and closing the door. "That's better."

"Yeah," Butters replied. He reached up to brush my cheek with his fingertips. "Me and Kenny had a moment. And I kinda like the idea of having two identical boyfriends."

"Good!" Kenny said, walking the rest of the way in and sitting down on the bed. "No one else is home. So, you two…"

Butters and I looked at each other; God, he's so beautiful.

"Yeah," Butters said, slowly detaching himself from me. "It'll take some getting used to, but…it's gonna be okay." He sat down on the bed next to Kenny. Damn it.

I sat down on Butters' other side, and Kenny put his arm around Butters' shoulder, grazing his fingertips over the back of my neck. "I guess you guys know all the really good food was already back here…?"

I nodded. "Yeah…thanks, man."

Butters reached under the bed for the real snacks, and soon we were munching on Cheesy Poofs and spicy beef jerky.

"You know," Kenny said some minutes later, after we'd eaten our fill of junk food. "Someone was awfully horny when they first came through that window."

Butters looked at his lap, nodding shyly. "Yeah…I guess I wasn't really on my best behavior when I got here…"

I laughed. "That sounds like something your dad would say." I caressed his shoulder and slid my hand down his back. "I wouldn't want you any other way." He looked up at me gratefully.

"Dudes?" Kenny asked, and that seemed to be the cue for us to begin; I reached inside Butters' shirt and ran my fingers up the warm bumps along his spine, and Kenny's hand joined mine a moment later.

"This is going to be a lot of fun," Butters said, lying back against the mattress; our hands moved around to his chest, each one pausing over a nipple. "Ah—and one of these days, if one of you isn't in the mood or something…"

"You'll always have me to fall back on," I replied. "Because I'll never not be in the mood." I leaned in to kiss his cheek. Kenny followed my lead, kissing his other cheek, copying my every move like a mirror as I worked my way down his jaw to his neck and shoulder, finally sitting up again to look down at him, each of our hands still inside his shirt.

"I want to watch the two of you do it sometime too," Butters said, voice thick with lust, as we both circled a fingertip around each of his nipples. I glanced quickly at Kenny and back down again.

I tried to keep my face carefully impassive, and I think Kenny did as well; but Butters must have seen something in one of our eyes because he suddenly sat up and started laughing. "Oh my God…you already have!" A moment later he was a hysterical wreck, laughing too hard to speak.

"It's not like I cheated on you or anything," Kenny observed. He looked to me as if for confirmation. "It was more like…really complicated masturbation."

Butters managed to compose himself for a moment. He drew in a breath to say something, held up a finger as if to emphasize an important point…and cracked up again, pitching face down on the mattress. I shook my head while Kenny and I grinned at each other.

"Yeah," I said. "Laugh it up, Butters." This made Kenny start laughing too, and Butters crack up even harder. "The day might come when neither one of us is in the mood."

"Uh huh," Butters managed to gasp sarcastically.

"He's right," Kenny said, speaking to me and putting his hand back inside Butters' shirt, this time rubbing his back. "We'll never both not be in the mood."

My hand joined his, rubbing high up Butters' spine, and he eventually sat up again and managed to compose himself. Kenny reached for the bottom of Butters' shirt with his other hand, and together we lifted it over Butters' head. I smoothed down his hair while Kenny went to work on the button on his jeans, and a few moments later we had his clothes off and in a pile at the foot of the bed.

"How come I'm the only naked one?" Butters asked.

"Because you're the only one here named Butters," Kenny replied quickly. I cracked up at that, and Butters rolled his eyes.

"What does that even mean, Ken?"

"It means," I replied, trying to keep Kenny's banter going, "that because there's two of me, we're going to have to do everything together." I looked at Kenny as if for confirmation. "Isn't that right, Ken?"

"It sure is, Ken."

"He's probably right though," I said, relenting to Butters' hungry look. "We should probably get our clothes off too."

We put on a show for him, slowly removing our shirts (Kenny was copying my movements again), and laying them neatly next to Butters' clothes. We only broke formation when it came time to take off our underwear.

"You're in for a surprise here," I said, sliding my boxers down my legs. Butters' eyes widened at the sight of my unshaved pubes.

"Damn, Ken," he said wonderingly. "Craig's mom has nothing on you." That made us both laugh, and he added, turning away to speak to Kenny. "I just shaved  _you_  a couple days ago." He turned back to me. "So your's…" He trailed off.

"It's always like this right after I reincarnate," I told him, gesturing toward the hair in question. "This is like its natural state or something. I, uh,  _we_ …always shave ourselves the first time, so we don't have to explain to you how it grew back so fast."

Butters nodded slowly, as if filing away a new fact. "That makes sense." He grinned. "Boy, you're just full of surprises today mister!"

"So hey," Kenny said, "Since we're doing everything else together, I guess that means we're doing  _this_  together too…?" He leaned over to remove the tube of lubricant from the nightstand. He was looking directly at me as he held the lube expectantly. "Right, Ken?"

"Definitely, Ken." I reached out to take it from him, but he pulled it away again as if he were going to apply it for me. I nodded and he squeezed a healthy dollop of the cool gel on my index finger, doing the same to his own finger a moment later.

"Now then," Kenny said, moving his hand between Butters' legs. "You ready for this?"

He nodded, and my hand joined Kenny's; Butters was watching with a mixture of incredulity and lust as both our fingers circled his entrance; Kenny slid his fingertip in first, and I watched his face closely as I slowly added mine a moment later. Butters moaned and lay back, closing his eyes while we carefully worked on him, our fingers sliding in and out in unison.

"This isn't quite like one person putting two fingers in there and scissoring," Kenny observed a moment later.

"No," Butters replied. "This feels more like the jaws of life down there." I laughed hard at that, sliding my finger in again and watching his balls roll between our wrists.

After another minute he felt ready, and I couldn't take much more of this. "Maybe we should get on with this," I said, trailing my other hand along Butters hip.

"How do you wanna do this…?" Kenny asked, looking back and forth between us. "I mean, we can't both…"

"No, that won't work," Butters said chuckling.

I grinned down at him. "Maybe me and Ken should draw straws or something? Or rock paper scissors, only our hands are both kind of busy right now—"

"Oh hush," Butters said with a smirk, and settled the debate by adding, looking directly at me: "I want you in my mouth."

"That settles that," Kenny said eagerly. He positioned himself between Butters thighs, lifting his legs up off the bed so his ankles were around his back. I straddled Butters' chest and leaned forward. Butters reached up to grab onto my hips.

For a minute we were like a well-tuned, panting, breathing engine. Butters finally came in Kenny's hand first, his ecstatic moans mostly muffled against my groin. Kenny and I exploded a moment later, and when it was finally over we collapsed on the mattress together in a gasping heap.

I wanted to cuddle with Butters, but somehow Kenny ended up in the middle with me and Butters on either side. Damn it. But at least his face, currently flushed bright red, was inches away from mine as we both lay with our heads on Kenny's chest.

"So," Kenny said, putting an arm around both of us; I reached over to caress Butter's forearm. "I'd say that went pretty well."

"Boy howdy," Butters replied. He sighed contentedly and looked across Kenny's chest at me, smiling lazily. "You taste the same."

I grinned and rolled my eyes. "That shouldn't, um,  _come_  as too much of a surprise."

"Hey," Kenny said. "I wonder what would happen if one of us ate a whole bunch of pineapple or something? Maybe we'd taste different then?"

I decided to keep his bullshit going. "Yeah, or maybe one of us could eat pineapple, and the other one can eat a whole can of sardines or something." I looked at Butters. "What do you think?"

Butters seemed to consider the question for a moment. "I think we'd need to have a third one of you, for a control."

Kenny laughed and sat up. "All right…let's just call off this whole experiment right now." His eyes went from Butters' to mine. "You know, this kind of sucks… but me and Butters were going to go to the mall today, and get something to eat afterward…"

Butters looked distressed. "Ah gee, I hate to leave you here by yourself, Kenny."

"It's all right man," I replied. "Me and myself already talked about it; we figure we should wait a few days before we unleash the two of us on the world. You two go ahead; just…can you bring me back something to eat later?"

"Why sure, Kenny!" Kenny started putting his clothes back on, handing Butters' jeans and shirt to him. "I could loan you my iPad when we get back if you want to use it for a while. We'll stop by my house on our way back to get it!"

I nodded. "That would be nice…thanks." I was already dreading being left alone in my room while they went out together, and found myself eager for my grand unveiling.

The three of us got dressed and said our goodbyes next to the window; first Butters and then Kenny hugged me, and Kenny opened the window. I waved as they walked away across the front yard; yet despite my outward calm, I couldn't help but feel jealous as I watched them walk toward Butters' car (which he'd parked several houses away so Kenny and I wouldn't hear it pull up) and as their hands automatically reached for each other's, I thought about the absurdity of being jealous of myself.

 


	4. Two More Days

The first thing I did after watching them climb into Butters' Honda Civic and drive out of sight was take out the razor, drop my pants, and shave myself. Then I cautiously ventured out into the rest of the house, long enough to grab a poptart from the kitchen and satisfy myself that no one else was home. I figured I would take a shower later, before Ken and Butters got back.

My old computer runs slower than shit; after a frustrating half an hour of crawling around the internet and listening to music on Spotify, I gave up and lay down to take a nap.

They returned much earlier than I'd expected, waking me from a deep, dream filled sleep. I realized guiltily as the window slid open and the cardboard was pushed back that I hadn't showered yet. Kenny climbed in first, holding two pizza boxes and Butters followed, clutching three cups with lids and straws in his hands, his iPad and headphones tucked under his arm.

"Hey, Ken!" Butters said cheerily with his usual greeting. "Did you miss me?"

"Yeah!" I went over to him and took the drinks and set them on the dresser so I could hug him. "You guys weren't gone very long." Butters handed me his iPad and I added: "Thanks, dude!"

"I made you a playlist of your favorite songs," Butters said, sounding pleased with himself.

"We didn't feel right, leaving you here by yourself," Kenny said, sitting on the bed and opening one of the pizza boxes; I wondered how much of that was his idea, and how much was Butters'. "We went to the mall for a while, but we got our pizzas to go instead of eating there—"

"That way you can eat it hot, instead of having left overs," Butters added, stepping back from me to sit on the bed. I joined them and soon I was munching on delicious hot sausage and mushroom pizza and drinking lemonade. It was the first real meal I'd had since reincarnating; I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

"So, me and Butters were talking about it," Kenny said, taking a long sip from his straw. "Your big coming out?" He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and set his drink on the floor. "He likes my idea of telling Stan and Kyle first. We figure we've got this big Fourth of July carnival thing coming up in two days, and once the excitement of that dies down…maybe I can tell them to ditch Cartman somewhere and come over on the fifth and we'll introduce you."

"You'll see, Kenny!" Butters added enthusiastically. "It'll all work out. People will get used to having two of you around; and I can't wait to go to the mall and walk around with both you guys." I nodded; he was essentially echoing what I'd said earlier.

We spent the rest of the afternoon alternately talking, fucking, and eating pizza while listening to the playlist Butters put together for me. The next day passed in similar fashion with Kenny and Butters going out together and returning in the afternoon, this time with copious amounts of City Wok takeout, more than we could eat at one sitting. We ate what we could, had sex (lucky me, I bottomed this time), fell asleep for a few hours, and as the sun was setting we got up and ate the rest of our food.

"Stan's going to pick up Kyle and Cartman first and come get us around four tomorrow," Kenny told me while Butters leaned over to tie his shoes, preparing to leave. "You just have to get through one more day, and then we can unleash you on the world."

"We'll bring you some cotton candy when we get back tomorrow night," Butters promised. "And you should be able to watch the fireworks from your back yard." He stood up and walked over to the window. We gathered together for a three way hug, and Kenny and I watched Butters climb outside and walk away.

Once Butters had left, Kenny didn't seem inclined to want to fool around again, laying down in bed and closing his eyes, clutching a pillow to his chest. I was content to lay next to him with my back leaning against the wall, listening to music and playing mindless games on Butters' iPad. Falling asleep cuddled up next to him would be the perfect way to end the day.

I was debating whether to pick out another song from the playlist Butters had made or shutting off the light and going to sleep. Kenny nudged my leg with his knee to get my attention and I looked down at him.

"Hey." He sat up next to me, apparently wide awake again. "You know, there's something we need to talk to him about."

It took me a moment to realize what he was referring to. Shit…how come I hadn't thought of this before?

"Crap," I said, and he nodded.

"Yeah." He put a hand on my leg, rubbing it absently the way I do to Butters when we're talking about something serious. "One of us is probably going to die eventually. We have to make sure he's ready for when that happens."

"We should mention that when you guys bring Stan and Kyle over," I replied. Suddenly, a whole bunch of questions occurred to me that we should talk about. Like: Will people be able to remember our deaths now, since there's two of us?

"You know," Kenny said wonderingly. "How  _is_  all that going to go now? Like…if one of us dies, will he even come back this time? Or will there just be one of us again?"

I shook my head. "I don't think that would happen; we're two separate people now, but we're both still immortal. That would be like actually killing one of us for good."

I never meant for this to get so serious. Kenny looked at me for a long moment with a frown and I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Jesus. Like one of us should be so lucky." He grinned and squeezed my thigh. "Lighten up, man; I was just thinking out loud. I like your idea about bringing that up when Stan and Kyle are here. It might soften the blow for him…and let them know what to expect too, so they can stick together when it happens."

"We're in uncharted territory here, McCormick," I said.

"I know," he replied, laying down again. "We'll work it out; just two more days of this sneaking around shit and things can get back to normal." He blinked. "Well normal for a world with two Kenny McCormicks in it."

I laughed and climbed out of bed, walking to the door to turn the light switch off, retracing my steps in the dark and laying down again. Kenny wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, and I snuggled closer next to him.

"Hey," he whispered against my ear. "I love you, y'know that?"

Up until that moment it had never occurred to me to say those words to him; but when I thought about what a good friend he'd been since I reincarnated, I realized for the first time that my feelings for him went much deeper than just friendship. He was somebody I could say literally anything to, and he would probably already know what I was going to say.

"I love you too," I whispered back. He's a wonderful cuddler; his breath was warm against my neck. "You're a really good friend."

"I try to be." I felt him settle contentedly against me. "We'll get through this dude; just two more days and we won't have to hide you anymore." He fell silent, his breath slowing and growing deeper.

"G'night Ken," I whispered, closing my eyes and sighing contentedly.

"G'night, younger brother," he whispered against my neck, and I was too tired to argue about it. I suppose technically he was right. 


	5. Independence Day

Butters showed up promptly at 9:30 the next morning, right after we heard Karen slam the front door as she left to go to Ruby's, announcing his arrival with a single fingernail tapping against the window. Kenny and I grinned at each other and I climbed out of bed to let him in.

I peeled back the cardboard, lifted the window and looked out at him. He was wearing all black today, skinny jeans and a plain tee shirt; even his shoes were black. "Who is it?" I asked, delighted to see him standing there.

He blinked and replied: "Eh—Eric Cartman."

I turned to look at Kenny. "What do you think? Do you want to let Cartman in?"

"Oh hell no," he replied. "Ask him what he did with Butters."

I turned back to deliver Kenny's reply but Butters had already stuck his head through the window and was smirking at us as he climbed in. "I took over his body," Butters said, suddenly pretending to be clumsy by tumbling the rest of the way into the room and into my arms. He would have fallen if I hadn't grabbed him. He laughed and stood up again. "See? I have Eric's grace and coordination!"

"This doesn't sound good," Kenny said, sitting up and putting his feet on the floor. "This sounds like a crime has been committed: Soul snatching in the first degree. What do you think we should do, Detective McCormick?"

I grinned. "I think we should strip search and interrogate him, Detective McCormick."

Butters rolled his eyes, standing up straighter in my arms. "Oh geez…you fellas  _would_  think that."

I carefully spun Butters around, taking hold of his wrists and pinning them against the wall. "He's right. Turn around and spread 'em." I reached down between his legs to 'frisk' him. "Are you carrying any guns or knives?"

One thing led to another and it wasn't long before the three of us were once again naked in bed; this time, Kenny bottomed for the two of us.

Afterward, I pointedly took the middle spot on the bed, pulling both of them onto my chest and planting a kiss on Butters' forehead. I've missed how his hair smells, like an apple orchard, and I couldn't wait until we could spend some time alone together, just the two of us.

As if reading my mind, Butters said: "I sure wish you could come with us today, Kenny. It's gonna be a lot of fun."

"It's all right dude. Just one more day and I won't have to hide any more. Just don't forget to bring me some cotton candy when you get back tonight."

"We won't," Kenny promised. We talked and cuddled and made each other laugh with a lot of stupid shit. Butters brought up the possibility of finding a way to make five more of me ("So I can have one Ken for each day of the week.")

"We'd need a much bigger bed," I remarked.

4:00 was a long time away, but the morning passed and eventually my alarm clock read 1:30 and we were all starting to get restless.

Kenny finally sat up and looked down at us. "You guys…I'm gonna take a shower; anyone want to join me?"

Butters and I looked at each other. I hoped Butters would turn him down, and my wish came true when Butters replied, "Nah, Ken…I'm going to stay here with Kenny."

Kenny nodded. "All right then." He stood up with his back to us in all its naked glory (I have an awesome ass) and walked to the dresser for clean clothes. "You two try to behave yourselves while I'm gone."

"You have my word on it," I replied, holding up a hand with two fingers raised Boy Scout style.

Butters looked at me and burst out laughing a moment before I did. "Yeah, we promise," he said.

Once Kenny had left the room, Butters and I curled up together on the bed. Neither of us actually seemed inclined to have sex again, and I was content just to hold him in my arms.

"Dude," I said, pressing my face against his cheek. "I've missed doing this."

"Aw, Ken." He seemed to be realizing how little time he's actually spent with  _me_  since I'd arrived. "This is kind of a big change for all of us; it'll all work out, you'll see."

"I know." I nuzzled his scalp. "Thanks for letting me borrow your iPad. It does get pretty boring in here."

We both heard the shower come on, and Kenny stepping under what I knew was ice cold water a moment later.

"It's gonna be fun, walking around in public with two identical boyfriends," Butters mused. His optimism was contagious. I could make it through one more day cooped up in here. "And you'll see, Kenny! Enough weird stuff happens around here that having two of you around isn't going to bother anyone."

"Do you think me and Ken will be able to walk into an all you can eat buffet and only pay once? I mean, since we're the same person and all…"

"That wouldn't even work if you were conjoined twins, Kenny!" Butters replied, laughing. "Those're two separate people too, even if they share a single pair of legs."

"Maybe that's what we need to do instead? Rather than make five more of me, we should—" I was about to say 'figure out a way to make a set of conjoined Kennys' when a sudden commotion outside interrupted me. There was a squeal of brakes and a car door slamming; then Cartman's voice, like fingernails scraping across a chalkboard and getting louder as he got closer. "Kinnnyy! Kinnyyy!"

I had foolishly left the window open; the cardboard taped over it was pushed back and Cartman's stupid face suddenly appeared. "Hey Kinny—" He saw me and Butters together in bed and cringed. "Oh Jesus Christ you guys…how about a little decency here?"

"Oh hamburgers," Butters cried, cowered against me and pulling the blanket higher around himself.

I glared at the window. "Goddammit, Cartman! How about a little  _knocking_  here?"

Stan's face appeared behind him; he took one look at us and quickly looked away. "Ah—aww!" he said guiltily. "Sorry, guys…"

"Kenny! Butters!" Cartman interrupted. I heard the shower turn off, and knew Kenny was standing in the cold bathtub naked, shivering and able to hear every word that was being said. Butters and I looked at each other helplessly.

"Kenny?" Stan's voice. "We're sorry to interrupt you guys…"

"But we have to leave right now!" Cartman said, and actually started to climb through the window. I grabbed the pillow from behind my head and threw it at him.

"Get the fuck  _out,_  you asshole!" I said angrily. Cartman seemed to finally pick up on my rage and stopped half way into the room.

"Come on, dude," I heard Stan say, and watched a hand grab onto Cartman's collar and pull him back outside.

Butters and I looked at each other, and he whispered, "Aw,  _shit,_  Kenny."

I shook my head in agreement and we reached for our clothes and started getting dressed. With me in here and Kenny in the bathroom, naked and his hair dripping wet, there would be no way for the two of us to switch places with our friends right outside the window.

Even as I was processing how pissed off I was at this intrusion (and how unhappy Ken was, no doubt), I also realized that my day had just been completely rearranged, and that  _I_  would be going to the carnival and fireworks with Butters and my friends instead of Kenny, and felt guilty to be thrilled that I was finally going to get out of this house for a day… _with_  my boyfriend. It seemed my Independence Day had come one day sooner than expected.

Then I wondered if some of Butters'  _Aw shit Kenny_  was from his disappointment that he'd be spending the day with me, instead of Other Kenny. I watched him tying his shoe and he looked up at me curiously.

Once we were dressed, I gave Butters what I hoped was a reassuring smile and walked over to the window, pulling the cardboard back and glaring angrily outside. Cartman was ready to pounce through the window again, while Stan and Kyle stood behind him looking guilty at having interrupted us.

"What the fuck is the big emergency?" I asked angrily, looking at each one of them in turn. I realized it was the first time I'd seen them since I reincarnated two days ago.

"Sorry for interrupting you guys," Stan said, staring at the ground awkwardly. Kyle was avoiding making eye contact with me as well, looking at the decrepit trailer in the next yard.

"But guys!" Cartman's voice grated like an icepick in my ears. "We just found out!" He started to stick his head in the window  _again_  and this time I stepped back to let him in after making sure Butters was ready. "If we get there before two o'clock, we can get wrist bands that let us in and ride on all the rides for half price!"

So  _that's_  what this was about: Saving a few dollars. Butters and I looked at each other hopelessly again, and Butter looked at my alarm clock. "Th—that's only twenty minutes from now!"

"Yeah, sorry Kenny." Kyle finally looked at me. "But…we just found that out…"

"Yeah!" Cartman was standing in the room looking like he expected us to be ready to leave right now, just because he was in a hurry. "Come on…let's _go!_ "

"Fuck," I muttered, loud enough for only Butters to hear. Then louder: "Okay, fine." I turned to Butters, all too aware that Kenny was listening to every word. "You ready to go, babe?"

He nodded unhappily. Once Cartman had climbed back outside, Butters took my hand and whispered, "Poor Kenny; he was really looking forward to this."

"We'll have fun though, right?" I squeezed his hand. "And after tomorrow, it won't matter anymore."

He forced a small smile, and we climbed out of the window together and started toward Stan's ten year old Ford Mustang. We were halfway across my front yard when I stopped and pulled my hand away from Butters, suddenly realizing I didn't have any money with me.

"Shit," I said. "I forgot my wallet." Butters stopped with me, while the other three were already climbing into Stan's car. "I'll be right back." I wasn't sure exactly what I was supposed to do for money; I hoped there was a few dollars hidden in the sock drawer, or that Butters would pay my way.

"Hurry  _up_ , Kenny!" Cartman called irritably from the back seat. Butters and I shared a look and I hurried back through the window into my bedroom.

Kenny was standing just inside the door with a towel around his waist, hair dripping wet and clinging to his head. We looked at each other awkwardly, and I spoke first. "Sorry man. It wasn't supposed to work out this way." Deep inside, I was still ecstatic that it had though.

"Don't worry about it," he replied, obviously forcing himself to sound cheerful. "Oh, uh…here." He picked his jeans up from the pile on the floor and pulled our wallet from the back pocket and handed it to me. "There's like eighteen bucks in there. That's enough to get you through the gate, and something to eat at least…"

"Thanks, man." I put the wallet in my back pocket, conscious of everyone waiting for me outside but wanting to stay here and comfort him somehow. As usual, he seemed to read my mind.

"Don't worry about me." He smiled, but a lot of the light had gone out of his eyes. "You guys go and have fun…and bring  _me_  back some cotton candy, okay?"

"You bet we will." I stepped forward and hugged him, pressing my face against his wet hair. "We'll see you in a few hours."

He nodded. "Go on…they're waiting for you."

Once I'd climbed back out the window, Stan was already behind the driver's seat with the car running; Kyle of course was riding shotgun next to him, so I crammed into the backseat behind Kyle, next to Butters. Cartman scowled but managed not to say anything when I reached for Butters' hand.

We might as well have walked, for all the time it took for Stan to drive the quarter mile to the county fairgrounds. Butters leaned over me to look out at the rides and attractions of the midway; there was a large tent with an arcade inside, and an enormous ferris wheel dominated the sky. Officer Barbrady was directing traffic (which consisted of about a dozen cars), and by the time we had parked all the way around the other side of the fairgrounds it was 1:55 and we barely made it to the ticket window in time to get our discount wrist bands.

"What do you guys want to do first?" Cartman asked, already rushing ahead of us toward the bumper cars.

"Anything that's away from him," I whispered against Butters' ear, and he turned to me and grinned. We left the other three behind and began our afternoon at a ring toss game, where after four tries I managed to win Butters a small teddy bear. We rode the bumper cars a half hour later, and finally ended up at the arcade. The sun was setting by the time we finished there, having spent all my money.

"The fireworks start in about thirty minutes, Kenny!" It felt great, seeing Butters so happy. "We should have enough time to ride the Ferris wheel!" We both looked up at it; it was the tallest object for miles around.

"Last ride of the day, folks!" the man operating the Ferris wheel announced as we approached. We climbed into one of the gondolas and soon we were looking down at the fair and the town nearby from a hundred feet in the air.

The ride slowed to a stop as we reached the very top to let more riders on. The view from up here was spectacular, with the last of the daylight disappearing behind the nearby mountains. Butters let go of my head to take out his phone and snap a selfie of us.

"I want a copy of that," I said when he showed it to me a moment later. It was a nice picture; we both looked really happy, and the picture had caught a spectacular view of the mountains behind us.

"Ask, and ye shall receive," he replied and hit #2 on his speed dial to call my phone. I felt it vibrate in my pocket a moment later and took it out to look at the picture.

"Hey, I just realized," I said as I put my phone away again. "We just sent a copy of this to Kenny; I hope he's doing okay."

"Aww…he'll like it, Kenny. He'll be glad to see we're having fun."

The way Butters was looking at me, I couldn't help but lean forward and kiss him as the Ferris wheel began moving again.

"You don't remember me giving you mouth to mouth, do you?" Butters asked as we dropped closer to the ground. I shook my head. "It was the scariest moment of my life, Ken! I thought you were gone…and then that policeman put those paddles on your chest and shocked you, and you opened your eyes and looked at me…"

I sighed and looked down. "No man. I, ah, don't remember any of that…"

Butters grinned. "I guess you wouldn't though, huh? I visited you every day you were in the hospital."

I kissed him again. "I love you, Butters."

The look he gave me was all the answer I needed. He loves me, too; I could see it in his eyes. I realized I needed to talk to Kenny about giving us some private time together. Our three-ways are a lot of fun…but I miss the tenderness and intimacy of being alone with Butters.

The ride went on for another five minutes, and ended all too soon. "That was fun, Kenny!" Butters said as we walked across the midway toward the concession stand, which was also preparing to close up for the night. Butters bought a bag of cotton candy for Kenny and a giant lemonade with one straw for us to share, and we followed the crowd to where most of the citizens of South Park were gathering to watch the fireworks.

We found our friends in the crowd and waited together. Across the field, I could see several people in the distance, moving around where the fireworks would be launched from. A truck from the South Park Fire Department was waiting nearby, its lights off and engine silent.

Cartman kept looking enviously at the untouched bag of cotton candy Butters was holding. "Are you ever going to eat that?" he finally asked irritably.

"No, Eric! It's for K—" He faltered, and started over. "It's for later."

"Come on," Cartman said, taking a step toward Butters and reaching out. "Let me have some!" I stepped between them.

" _No_ , Cartman," I said, blocking him. "He said 'it's for later'; now back off."

"Aw, gross!" Cartman said. "You fags are going to use it for something perverted, aren't you?"

"Shut up, Cartman," Kyle snapped. "He said it was for later. Go buy your own if you want some so bad." Cartman muttered something about fags and food, and Kyle added, "Keep it up asshole, and I'll break your arm. Then you can write 'I hate fags' all over your fucking cast."

Cartman turned away in disgust, and I doubled over laughing. "Damn, Kyle!" I said admiringly once I'd caught my breath. "I gotta remember that one, so I can use it sometime."

Music began blaring over the PA system, a marching band version of 'Stars And Stripes Forever.' A single skyrocket flew into the air with a loud hiss, trailing smoke and silver glittering sparks behind it. It exploded in a brilliant burst of red pyrotechnics. Two more rockets followed immediately after, raining down a shower of white and blue fire and filling the sky with multihued smoke. The triple concussions reached us a moment later, powerful enough to feel in my chest.

"OOOOH!" Stan shouted, sounding more like a cow giving birth than someone impressed by the fireworks. Kyle looked at him and rolled his eyes and I started laughing again; Stan had done this every year that we had watched fireworks since we were in the sixth grade and Kyle had played right along with his bullshit every year, making ridiculous, exaggerated crowd appreciation noises. They both shouted "AAAAH!" a moment later and looked around, laughing hysterically.

I was  _so_  fucking glad to be here right now instead of stuck alone in my room.

Craig and his gang were standing a dozen feet away; it was the first time I'd noticed them. Tweek was laughing hysterically at Stan and Kyle's antics, while Craig mostly looked annoyed. Jimmy was shaking his head and lifted one of his crutches toward me in greeting. "Heh-hey, Kenny!" he called to me, while Tweek hiccupped loudly and started laughing even harder. "You should get S-Stan and Kyle to the hospital. They sound reh-really sick!" Two more skyrockets burst in the sky in a shower of multicolor sparks and the blasts echoed through the night.

"OOOH!" Stan and Kyle shouted together, laughing hysterically.

I shook my head and called back: "They do this shit every year. I think it's just fourth of Julyitis. They'll recover as soon as the fireworks are over."

"I hope it's not contagious!" Clyde said. Craig finally smirked, and we all turned our attention back to the fireworks. For a pissant small town fireworks show, this one was pretty good, and for the next two minutes the crowd was captivated by the steady stream of skyrockets and roman candles being launched skyward by town employees across the field.

Until something went wrong.

There was a brilliant flash of white light across the field where the fireworks were being launched from, and an appalling blast loud enough to deafen me. An enormous cloud of white smoke rose above it, and several more explosions lit the night in rapid succession, the concussions reaching us a second later like artillery fire. It looked as though the remaining fireworks had blown up simultaneously.

"Oh my God!" Stan shouted as the echoes died away. "Something went wrong!"

"No shit, Sherlock," Cartman replied, laughing. Both he and Kyle had their phones out and were recording video of the disaster. We could see flames spreading across the field beneath the cloud of smoke, and the fire truck sprang into action, driving toward the growing fire with its array of red and yellow lights flashing and further lighting up the night. It was an unfortunate and ignominious end to this year's fireworks show…but at least it would give us all something to talk about for a few days.

"People of South Park!" Mayor McDaniel's voice boomed over the PA system. Off in the distance, people were running around, dragging hoses from the firetruck. "Please remain calm, until we have gotten this situation under control."

"Booo!" Cartman called loudly. "Boo Mayor McDaniels, boo!"

I had to laugh at that. It had been annoying when he had said that to Wendy when we were in fifth grade, but it was funny as hell now.

There was another explosion, brighter than any so far. A skyrocket emerged from the glare, flying parallel to the ground and taking aim straight for my head.

How the fuck didn't I see  _this_  coming?

I had a split second to regret that Butters had to be here to see this, but no time to do anything else except close my eyes and wait for the moment the errant rocket crashed into my head, exploded, and killed me.

 


	6. Kenny Dies

That moment never came.

Instead, what felt like a tackling dummy slammed into my chest and sent me crashing to the ground. I opened my eyes to Butters' terrified face looming over mine as he screamed my name, and the huge skyrocket whizzing over us where my head had been a moment ago before Butters tackled me.

"Jesus  _Christ_  Kenny, that almost hit you!" That was Stan's voice coming from behind me. I couldn't take my eyes off the rocket as it sped away into the night, hissing and trailing sparks as it flew a few feet above the ground, making a slight but deliberate turn to the right heading straight toward town; I already knew what was going to happen next as it faded in the distance, guided by the same invisible hand that had first sent it toward my head.

"Oh my God," Butters whispered, rolling off me and sitting up. I think he knew what was about to happen too.

"It looks like it's heading toward your neighborhood, Kenny!" Kyle said.

 _Not my neighborhood, Kyle. My fucking house._ And probably right into Other Kenny's head, choosing him as an alternate target, since Butters had just—

Oh shit. This is the second time in a row Butters has interfered with one of my deaths. I hoped there wouldn't be repercussions from this, but was almost certain that there would be.

The rocket spiraled madly in the distance and plunged downward, disappeared from sight and exploded. A fireball rose into the night, an orange ball of flame that faded to roiling gray smoke even as a large fire began to grow beneath it.

"Oh Christ hamburgers!" Butters screamed, jumping to his feet. I stood up behind him and we watched the growing conflagration; it was obvious to everyone that it was at least somewhere very near my house.

"Come on!" I said, taking a step forward and looking desperately at my friends. We all seemed to realize the same thing: Stan's car was parked several hundred yards in the other direction; half the town had apparently decided to go see the new fire, only most of  _them_  were hurrying toward their cars to drive to it. By the time we got to Stan's car and fought the traffic, it'd be faster if we just ran to my house.

Butters grabbed my arm, apparently reaching the same conclusion. "Let's go, Kenny!" he cried, and we started running together. I glanced back to see Stan and Kyle keeping pace a few yards behind us. We ignored Cartman's shouts of  _wait up, you guys_  as we ran toward the far end of the midway.

The shortest path to my house was through a large field where several cars and a dozen semis were parked, silently waiting to haul the carnival on to the next town. We had to slow to a rapid walk as we made our way through the darkness between them; directly ahead of us the fire was rapidly growing larger. I could hear distant sirens as emergency vehicles raced to the scene. I wasn't feeling hopeful about what we were going to find once we'd gotten to my house—

Someone stumbled from the darkness between two of the trucks, a guy in his late 40s with long greasy black hair and a huge beard spilling down a preposterously purple shirt, muttering loudly to himself. He was looking toward the ground and would have walked right into me if I didn't stop and grab Butters' arm. "Hey, watch it!" I said, stepping between Butters and this deranged-looking man.

He finally looked up, seeming surprised at seeing us standing there. "I  _did_  it!" He shouted at me and took off running, missing me by a foot and stopping in front of Cartman long enough to shove him backwards, knocking him to the ground. Cartman looked up, his legs kicking like an overturned tortoise as the man ran off again, zig-zagging between the parked semis and climbing into a brown van at the far end of the field.

"What the hell was that?" Stan asked, laughing nervously.

"What an asshole!" Cartman sputtered angrily, climbing to his feet. We watched the van's headlights come on as it started to drive off.

"Fuck him!" I said; if my house wasn't burning down three blocks away I would have stayed and commiserated with him; instead I started walking toward the fire again. Butters was at my side a moment later, my other friends right behind us. We would be clear of the parking lot in a few seconds and be able to start running again.

Except apparently nothing was going to go right tonight. A car abruptly turned into our path, its headlights blinding us, and a second later red and blue flashing lights lit the night as the car raced up to us and skidded to a stop. The driver's side window rolled down. Oh joy; this night couldn't get any better now that the cops were here.

No less than Sergeant Yates was leaning out to talk to us from behind the wheel of the police car. "Boys! We're looking for a suspect in the incident with the fireworks show tonight! Have you seen him? He's an older man, with a very large beard—"

"Hell yeah we saw that asshole!" Cartman shouted. "He almost knocked me down! He got right in my face, but then I was all like…"

"We saw him about a minute ago," Kyle interrupted Cartman's tirade. "He was muttering a bunch of weird shit before he knocked our friend down, and he yelled 'I did it' once—" He craned his neck to look across the field and pointed. "He's in that van there." Kyle gestured toward the county road at the set of tail lights disappearing in the night.

Yates appeared electrified. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Hell yes we're sure!" I replied, wanting to see this asshole caught. It could just as easily have been Butters he had pushed down. "He—he was wearing a bright purple shirt, and had long black hair."

Sargent Yates keyed the microphone on his shoulder and tipped his head to speak into it. "All units, we have a positive I.D. on the suspect; he's heading north on Fairfax road toward the interstate. Suspect vehicle is a..." He paused and looked pointedly at us.

"Brown van," Kyle said. "It was like maybe ten years old."

"Older model brown van," Sargent Yates spoke into his microphone. He waved and called out to us, "Thanks, kids!" before roaring off in pursuit of the van, two other police cars joining him a moment later, their lights flashing and lighting up the night.

"Holy shit, dudes!" Stan said excitedly. "We may have helped catch the guy that blew up the fireworks!"

I'd had enough, and started walking again. "Come on, you guys!" I said urgently. Butters grabbed my arm and we started hurrying toward my house again, finally emerging from the parked semis and running down the familiar streets of my neighborhood. By the time we were a block away, it was obvious that it  _was_  my house that was burning to the ground. Butters had a death grip on my hand.

We finally reached my house, and even though a fire truck was already there and pouring water on it, my childhood home was completely engulfed in flames. The crowd was rapidly growing larger as more people arrived to stare.

Butters was scanning the crowd anxiously, and I began doing the same. There was no sign of Other Kenny, but I spotted my parents standing twenty feet away in the flickering orange light. I pulled my hand free and motioned Butters to follow me. My mom turned to me as I approached, holding onto my dad's arm. He was so drunk that he could barely stand up.

"Oh, Kenny!" my mom said unhappily once we were together. "Our poor house." She looked back at the inferno. Part of the roof collapsed as we watched, sending a cloud of sparks swirling lazily into the night sky.

"Have you seen Karen?" I asked; I knew she had gone off with Ruby this morning, but I needed to be sure she hadn't come home early for some reason.

Butters was still searching the crowd anxiously, looking for Other Kenny. "There she is Ken," he said, pointing. I followed his gaze and saw Thomas Tucker towering over the people around him first. Karen and Ruby were standing beside him; Karen looked over at us and waved sadly.

"We're all safe, ma," I said, pointing. Karen began walking toward us and my mother held out her arms for a hug. Behind us, a large black SUV pulled up to the curb, flames reflecting off its glossy paint. Three of its doors opened, and Mayor McDaniels came strutting up to us with her two aides in tow. "Mr. and Mrs. McCormick," she said, speaking mostly to my mom as it was obvious my dad had no idea what was going on. "On behalf of the town of South Park, I wish to  _apologize_  for this unfortunate accident! And I want to assure you we will work closely with our insurance company to make sure your home is replaced, and your losses are covered as quickly as possible."

At the mention of 'losses' I remembered something and leaned over to whisper in Butters' ear. "Hey man, I just remembered…your iPad was inside."

"I don't care about that, Kenny," he replied, still scanning the crowd, while trying to appear as though he wasn't. The firemen nearly had the fire put out.

Mayor McDaniels continued, "You'll also be needing a place to stay tonight. I've had my assistant draw up these letters…" she turned to one of her aides, who handed her a slim manila folder. She opened it and removed a sheet of paper and handed it to my mother. "These are instructions to any local motel to rent you a room and send the bill to the town of South Park; We can make more permanent arrangements for you in the next day or two. Will anyone else in your family need one?"

"I will," I said, stepping forward to take another letter from the mayor. There was no way in hell I was spending the night with my asshole parents in a motel room. I glanced over the letter quickly before folding it and putting it in my pants pocket; it seemed like a typical business letter, stating in a bunch of legal jargon what the mayor had just told us.

"Come on, Stuart," my mother said sadly, tugging on my dad's arm. "I don't want to watch this anymore." I knew what she meant: It had been a shithole shack, but it was  _home_ , and it was now nothing more than smoldering cinders. The firemen had already stopped pouring water on it and were rolling up their hoses, while others sifted through the remains to beat out hotspots with shovels. It seemed that the excitement was finally over for the night.

Hah, wrong.

A brilliant white light lit the horizon like a million flashbulbs going off at once, brighter than the sunrise, lighting everything and casting stark shadows that slowly moved as the fireball ascended into the sky. It was like the end of the world, like a nuclear bomb had just gone off outside of town.

"Holy  _shit!_ " Stan screamed as we all automatically ducked for cover. "What the fuck is happening?"

"That wasn't a nuke, or we'd all be dead!" Kyle cried. "But whatever it was, it was  _big_."

The huge fireball faded, leaving behind what was obviously a very large fire a few miles away. We were still crouching, and we slowly stood again as we watched. Butters was muttering something beside me. I leaned closer to listen and heard him counting; he was counting off the seconds, like we sometimes did with lightning, to see how far away a close strike had been by timing how long it took for the thunder to arrive. "thirteen… fourteen… fif—"

A distant rumble grew rapidly into a roar powerful enough to rattle the windows in nearby buildings. I could feel the ground vibrating under my feet.

"What the hell is going on tonight?" Kyle said desperately as the thunderous roar slowly died away. I shook my head as the fire truck's engine started and it sped off toward its third fire of the evening.

"That was three miles away Kenny," Butters said. "Whatever it was, it was  _huge_."

"Do you guys want to go see what it was?" Cartman asked. We looked around at each other.

"I kind of do," Stan said. A lot of the crowd around us seemed to have the same idea and were beginning to hurry away. "We'd have to go back and get my car…"

Butters' car was safely parked in the empty lot across the street, and I hoped no one would ask him for a ride back to the fairgrounds. I knew Butters wouldn't leave for anything right now. Luckily, they didn't ask.

"Well, let's go!" Cartman said, starting to walk off. Stan and Kyle began to follow him, both of them giving me a curious look.

"We're gonna stay here," I said. "Maybe…see if I can salvage anything once they get the rest of the fire out." I nodded toward the three firemen who had stayed behind to finish up here. It seemed as good an excuse to stay as any.

Stan nodded. "Okay, Kenny. We'll see you later. Sorry about your house, man!"

I nodded; Kyle gave me a sympathetic look and they walked off together, leaving me with Butters. Most of the crowd had left as well, on their way to see the newest fire, leaving about half a dozen gawkers, plus the three firemen still sifting through the remains of my house. I doubted there would be anything in there that was salvageable, and I wondered how long before we knew the fate of Other Kenny. I'd all but given up hope of him suddenly wandering up to us, perfectly fine.

It didn't take long. There was a sudden cry of alarm from one of the firemen standing in the blackened yard behind the charred remains of my house . We both looked toward him in time to see him taking two steps backward. "Oh…aw, shit!" He stopped and leaned forward, resting his hands on his thighs as if he were about to be sick. "Hey, chief! We're going to need to get the coroner down here; I just found a body!"

"Ah, I  _knew_  it!" Butters said angrily. He yanked his hand away from mine and stormed off. I had to run to catch up to him, and when I finally did I grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. I didn't give a shit what the few remaining bystanders thought right now. He buried his face in my chest and started sobbing.

"Butters," I whispered against his ear while stroking the back of his head. "It—it's okay..."

"No, it's  _not!_ " Butters cried against my shoulder before I could continue. "Someone I love was blown up by a fucking  _fourth of July rocket!_  How is that okay?" He tried to pull away from me and I hugged him tighter, and he hiccupped and screamed against my shirt: "I—I  _loved_ him, Kenny! And he's  _dead!_  And…"

He buried his face into my shoulder and cried, finally letting me hold him. I would say or do anything to make him feel better…but I also wondered if he knew how much his 'I loved him, Kenny' remark had stung, given the bizarre situation we were in. Apparently he did, because he took a step away to look at me with tear-filled eyes. I hated myself at the moment; I never wanted to cause him this much pain.

"Aw, Ken," he said and sniffed. "…I meant to say…I mean…I love you too!" He flung himself against me again. "I  _do_  love you! I—I'm just…I'm just so confused right now—!"

I held him close while he cried. "I know, man," I said quietly. "We were going to talk to you about this. It was going to happen eventually, but...he'll be back soon, okay?"

"And then what?" Butters replied sadly, looking up at me. "You die next, and then the two of you keep taking turns after that? Or will one of you die twice in a row, and maybe I should take bets on which one of you will get killed in some awful accident next—"

I stayed silent, holding him and letting him rant.

"I don't know what to think, Ken," he said sadly, pressing his face to my chest again. "Having to watch you two die over and over, in all kinds of horrible ways. I…I don't know if I can do this."

It felt like I'd been stabbed in the gut. Those may have been the most frightening words anyone has ever said to me.

"Butters," I said again, holding him tighter. "Please, please, don't say that. It's going to be okay, I promise."

Butters seemed to deflate after that and started crying again. At least he wasn't trying to get away from me anymore.

"Hey…" I was desperate for something to say and couldn't find the right words to begin. He finally looked up at me as if expecting me to say something brilliant. I finally said the only thing I could think of: "I loved him too, you know."

Butters sighed and forced a sad smile. "D—did you ever tell him that?"

"Yeah I did," I replied immediately, relieved that he was still talking to me. "Last night, a few minutes after you left and we went to bed." I had Butters' full attention now. "Just to be fair, he  _did_  say it to me first." I swallowed. "But when I said it back to him? I meant every word."

I stopped, waiting for Butters to say something. When he didn't after several long seconds, I added, "Dude…I miss him too. I promise you: He'll be back, you'll see…" I patted my pocket where I'd put the letter Mayor McDaniels had given me. "Let's go use this, okay? I just…I don't want to be alone tonight…and I don't think you should be either. We can just cuddle and go to sleep if you want."

Butters nodded and swallowed before he replied, barely loud enough to hear: "Okay."  _Thank God._ He reached into his pocket and handed me his keys. "You drive."

"Sure, man." We walked to his car, my arm around his waist guiding him. As soon as we were driving toward the highway I reached for his hand, and he seized mine desperately and held on as I drove out of town toward the interstate, and the large fire raging outside of town. Two police cars had the northbound entrance ramp to the highway closed, and a couple dozen people were gathered to watch. There were at least thirty more emergency vehicles at the scene of the inferno in the distance, with still more approaching as we drove past.

"What a fucked up night," I said, accelerating onto the southbound highway. Butters nodded, tight-lipped.

I drove eight miles and took the exit into Fairplay, stopping at the first motel we passed, a Ramada Inn. I parked a short distance away from the office to give Butters privacy while he waited.

I squeezed his hand. "I'll be right back, okay?" When he stared at his lap without replying, I repeated: "Okay?"

He finally nodded, answering in a listless monotone, "All right."

I squeezed his hand again and opened the door. "I love you," I said, climbing out and carefully closing the door. I hurried across the parking lot and entered the lobby. A bored-looking older woman looked up from the paperback she was reading and regarded me.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a disinterested voice.

"Yeah," I said, stepping up to the counter, feeling intimidated and trying to appear confident. I wanted to get back to Butters as quickly as possible. "I need a room for the night; and um, I have this…" I produced the letter Mayor McDaniels had given me, seting it on the counter and smoothing a few wrinkles with my hand.

The woman picked up the letter and scanned it. "Oh…" she said, suddenly seeming interested. "Was that  _your_  house that burned down tonight in South Park?"

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, leaning an elbow on the counter and not saying anything else.

She went into work mode, opening a drawer and pulling out a small registration form and a room key. "I'm really sorry about that, sir." I felt rather touched by her sudden sympathetic tone, as well as being called 'sir.' "I hope everyone in your family is safe…?"

"Yes, they are," I replied, filling in the form with one of the pens on the counter. "Um…I don't remember the license number…"

"Don't worry about that sir. I saw where you parked; your room is right in front of your car."

I nodded gratefully and picked up the key. "Thank you. Good night."

"Good night. Let us know by ten tomorrow morning if you'll be staying another night."

"Will do." I gave her a friendly nod and left the lobby, walking quickly back toward Butters' car. He climbed out before I was halfway there and started toward me. .

"Where's our room, Kenny?" he asked. Something was very off about this; he was fucking  _smiling_ at me.

"Um…it's right in front of the car," I replied, taking another step toward him, stopping in front of the door to our room "Hey man…are you okay?"

He looked puzzled by the question. "Well, sure I am, Ken! Why wouldn't I be? I—I mean, it's awful your house burned down! But your whole family's safe, a-and no one got hurt, and Mayor MeDaniels said they were gonna get you a new house—"

I tried to keep my face impassive as I realized what had just happened: He'd forgotten  _everything_  about other Kenny. Which meant the firefighters back at my house had as well. He reached out to take the room key from my suddenly numb fingers.

"—and the town paid for this neato hotel room," Butters finished, laughing. He gave me a lecherous grin. "I hope it has a big bathtub."

I watched him turn the key in the knob, and as he pushed the door open I wondered if, between this newest development with him and the enormous fire just outside of town, my life could possibly get any stranger.


	7. The Happiest Days Of My Life

The next few weeks were the happiest days of my life. With Kenny…out of the picture, it was just me and Butters again, and now that I didn't have to share him, that petty jealousy I couldn't help but feel was no longer a problem. I knew Kenny would be back eventually; but until he returned, I saw no reason not to enjoy my time alone with Butters. Trying to talk to him about it would be pointless anyway, since once again he wouldn't believe me.

Our first morning, after a long bath together in the motel bathtub, we got dressed and after a quick call to the front desk to tell them I'd be staying another night, we headed back to South Park, Butters driving this time.

As we got off the South Park exit, we once again saw the scene of last night's fire outside of town. The fire was long since out, leaving behind a large blackened field off in the distance. A few police cars were still there, no doubt continuing to investigate what happened.

"We should go to my house Kenny," Butters said. "And maybe see if there's any news about that fire last night."

"Sounds good dude," I replied nodding, once again reminded that his iPad had burned up last night along with my house, so we'd have to use his computer to read the news. "Um…won't your mom be there?"

"Nope," Butters replied, slowing to make the turn onto Fairfax road. Most of the carnival had already been dismantled and was being loaded into the waiting trucks for its trip to wherever it was going next. "She and Richard went to Denver for a couple days."

"Richard?" I asked, and then remembered. "Oh, you mean Mr. Adler."

"Yeah!" He nodded enthusiastically. "He's real nice, Kenny! And funny! I—I don't think I've ever seen my mom as happy as she's been since they got together."

I couldn't picture the Mr. Adler I remembered from Shop Class all those years ago as being 'funny'; in fact he was one of the sternest (and most unhappy) teachers I've ever had. But I know that time can change people. I reached out to rest my hand on Butters' thigh. "See? That's what happens when you finally meet the right person."

He gave me a quick grin. "She told me a few days ago—" He slowed the car and made the left turn onto his street. "That being with him reminded her of the scene in that movie 'As Good as it Gets' when Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt that he's taking his medication the way he's supposed to, because she makes him want to be a better person." He smiled again and turned into his driveway and shut the car off.

We sat in comfortable silence for a moment, and just before he moved to open his door I said: "Y'know, if I was on any sort of medication, you'd make me want to take it too."

Butters smirked and looked down. "Aw…I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Ken."

"Who knows?" I said grinning and opening my door. "Maybe I'll get strep throat or something and have to take antibiotics. You know…so I get better."

Butters laughed. "That's not quite what they're talking about, but okay."

We climbed out of the car and went inside. The complete silence in the house made it obvious no one was home. We went upstairs to his room, and while Butters was booting up his computer, I was pondering creative ways to get us both naked, since we had the whole house to ourselves.

"Oh, Kenny!" Butters said unhappily, staring at his monitor. I stepped behind him to read over his shoulder. A bright red headline on CNN's homepage announced:

**MASSIVE CAR-BOMB PLOT AVERTED**

"Oh, what the fuck?" I said, stepping closer to read over Butters' shoulder. This wasn't the first time our 'quiet little mountain town' had made the national news, but this story seemed huge. Butters moved his cursor over the link to a video report and clicked it. A grim looking newscaster began speaking, the familiar mountains outside of our town in the background.

"South Park, Colorado police are being credited with preventing what might have been a massive car bombing last night, probably in a major city somewhere here in the United States. Information is still coming in, but it is believed that this man, Ralph Burgess—" the video cut to a photograph of an angry looking man with a black scruffy beard, and Butters and I both gasped.

"Oh hamburgers, Ken! That's the guy we saw last night!" There was no mistaking it; the picture was probably months old and the hair and beard were shorter, but it was clearly the same man who had almost walked into me and pushed Cartman down last night.

The newsman continued: "…Detonated a very large car bomb a few minutes after a police car managed to force him off the road." The picture changed again, this time to a photograph of…it took me a second to believe what I was seeing; it was a picture of Officer Barbrady. "Officer Vincent Barbrady is credited with having performed a pit maneuver that disabled the vehicle, and unfortunately was killed in the line of duty when the bomb exploded during the ensuing standoff…"

"Oh…" Butters said sadly. I squeezed his shoulder as we listened.

"It took firefighters several hours to get the fire under control, which burned about 800 acres of an empty field. While details are still coming in, one thing is certain: If this bomb had exploded in the middle of a major city, the loss of life could have been catastrophic."

Butters moved his mouse and paused the video. "Kenny? Can we do something else? I don't want to watch this anymore."

"Sure man," I replied, taking a long look at his bed.

"That's awful," Butters lamented. "I mean…Officer Barbrady died a hero? I—I'm sure we'll hear all about it; I just don't want to hear about it right now, okay?"

"You know, we kind of helped the cops find that guy, when we pointed out the vehicle he was getting away in." I sighed. "I bet Cartman is going to try and make a big deal about it, too."

Butters shook his head. "I kind of wish he wouldn't do that."

"Yeah, me too. I just want to forget about it."

He nodded sadly and reached for my hand. "Kenny? Can we…?"

I smiled. "Uh huh."

We laid down on his bed and made love and then went out for lunch at City Wok. We did our best to ignore the people around us who couldn't seem to talk about anything else except what had happened outside of town last night.

Like all but the biggest news stories, it was soon forgotten. Cartman had his moment of fame, and life went on. As the days went by, I kept expecting Kenny to rejoin us, dreading the idea of having to share Butters with him again. I was especially nervous on day ten, since that was how long  _I'd_  been dead when all this started. But when he didn't show up on that day, or the day after, or the day after…I slowly began to almost forget about him. Perhaps his brief appearance in our lives  _had_  just been some sort of fluke, and I was the only one of us that was supposed to be here.

True to their word, the town wasted no time replacing my home. Rather than build a new house for us, bulldozers cleared away the charred remains of the shack I grew up in, and in just a couple days a slightly used three bedroom trailer was sitting in its place.

"This is really nice, Ken," Butters said as he helped me put my new bed together. We'd gone shopping yesterday with the money the insurance company had given me and I'd bought the bed and a dresser (and replaced his iPad). I looked around and had to agree. It wasn't as nice as my friends' houses, but it was a major upgrade from what I lived in before. Best of all, the bedroom I claimed as mine had a window that was big enough and low enough for Butters to climb through.

"It's not the Taj Mahal or anything, but I bet the roof doesn't leak." Together, Butters and I set the box springs and mattress on the bedframe and stepped back to admire our work.

Butters looked at me and grinned. "Want to try out your new bed?"

**~0~**

Early on the morning of July 9th, a man named Paul Nelson stumbled into the Emergency Room of a hospital in Annapolis, Maryland. The admissions nurse behind the desk took one look at him and immediately pressed a red button that triggered an alarm throughout that section of the hospital and sent three doctors running into the room.

The resident in charge took one look at the man and, alarmed by the sight of numerous oozing sores on his head and neck and an obviously recent complete hair loss, said: "We need to get this man into isolation immediately."

"No you don't," Mr. Nelson replied. "I don't have anything contagious." A nurse had rolled a wheelchair up behind him and was cautiously backing away, and he settled carefully into it.

"You know what's wrong with you?" The doctor asked, taking a few cautious steps toward him.

"Uh huh," he replied. "I—" he belched loudly and leaned forward. "I have radiation poisoning." He threw up an amazing quantity of blood onto his lap and the floor in front of him. He sat up again and wiped gore across his face with the back of his hand. "If you just want to give me a bunch of morphine and let me go to sleep, I'd be okay with that."

This triggered a week-long emergency in the city, while Mr. Nelson's apartment building and neighborhood were evacuated and sealed off for decontamination. He had evidently used his position as a technician at the Calvert Cliffs Nuclear Power Plant to smuggle several ounces of decommissioned but still highly radioactive uranium out of the facility. He died two hours after his arrival at the hospital, before he had time to tell anyone what his plans for the uranium had been.

This story also made national headlines and captivated us for a couple of days, but eventually was forgotten as well.

**~0~**

The weeks went by quickly, and before I knew it July had turned into August. These were the happiest days of my life, and they flew by much too fast. Butters and I were together almost constantly; the sex was awesome, and we fell deeper in love with each passing day.

On August 25th Butters both surprised and alarmed me when he told me while we were having lunch at Bennigan's: "Kenny…uh, we're invited to my mom's house for dinner tonight. And don't you worry none…but we're going together as a couple."

I almost choked on the mouthful of French fries I was chewing and took a sip of my lemonade. "Um…really?" I wasn't quite sure how I  _wasn't_  supposed to worry. Only our closest friends knew about us; and Butters' mom has a history of reacting shall we say  _negatively_  to this sort of thing.

He must have sensed my unease as he reached across the table to rest his fingers on my arm. "It's okay, Kenny. My mom is all right about this…you'll see."

Because I trust him completely, I nodded and managed a smile. "Okay…I accept your invitation to dinner." He grinned back at me. Nonetheless I was still nervous about what I was getting into, and the rest of the day passed in agonizing slowness. Finally we were standing outside Butters' front door while he rang the doorbell. He'd loaned me one of his nicer pullover shirts to wear for the occasion.

My first surprise of this dinner date was when the door was opened not by Butters' mom but by Mr. Adler. I couldn't help but think that he's aged well.

"Hello, Butters," he said warmly. He turned his gaze to include me. "Hello, Kenny. Come on inside." He still had the same slight speech impediment I remembered that made him sound like he was talking with a mouthful of marbles. "Linda will have dinner ready in a few minutes." It smelled like a Thanksgiving feast was being made in the kitchen.

"Hmm," Butters said appreciatively, settling onto the couch. "It smells really good in here." I sat down next to him, unsure how close I should sit. Mr. Adler sat in the chair across from us.

"I remember you, Kenny," he said to me. "You were always one of my more serious students. You didn't screw around as much as the other kids did. And you never got hurt either."

I had to suppress a smirk. Of course he'd forgotten that I'd actually  _died_  in his class after being flung across the room by a bandsaw into a box of rusty nails during Tweek and Craig's epic fight back in fourth grade. He'd had some sort of epiphany while I lay dying in his arms, somehow coming to terms with the death of the love of his life who had been killed in a plane accident. I never did figure out what all that was about, but I'd noticed that he'd seemed happier afterwards, and was glad I'd been able to help him somehow.

My nervousness grew several notches as Linda Stotch came in from the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," she said, sitting down next to Mr. Adler on the reclining chair. Butters reached for my hand and took it, lacing our fingers together.

"It smells wonderful in here, mom!" I looked down at our intertwined hands nervously.

Linda seemed to notice my uneasiness. "Oh Kenny, don't worry! We want you to feel at home here." Butters' fingers squeezed mine at that. I'd never imagined myself having this conversation, and was lost for words.

"Kenny?" Her voice was warm and friendly. "It's okay, really. I don't want my son to spend half his life making the same mistake I did…giving his life to someone he only  _thinks_  loves him…" She settled contentedly against my old shop teacher's side; he reached up to run his fingers through her hair. "I met Stephen when I was about Butters' age…" Her eyes flicked back and forth between us. "I fell in love with him; and I thought he loved me, too…but I was wrong. And it took me the best part of my life to finally figure it out." She sighed, turning to look at Richard. "The day he finally left was both the best day and worse day of my life."

"Kenny won't do that, mom!" Butters said, giving my hand a squeeze.

I had no idea what to say at first, but now that he'd broken the ice by saying something, I managed to come up with: "No ma'am…I won't."

"We have a really good thing, me and Kenny," Butters added. "We're both in this for the long haul." He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Right, mister?"

"Right, Leopold." I managed a smile. It was an uncomfortable moment, but Butters' mom was beaming happily at us.

"Well,  _that's_  settled!" Richard said, looking at me sympathetically. Apparently this conversation had been somewhat awkward for him as well. "Let's eat!"

It was a wonderful meal. As I suspected, there was turkey, potatoes, dressing… Once we were finished, Linda placed a large portion of leftovers into a Tupperware container for me to take home to Karen, and we sat down in the living room for a few minutes. The conversation was winding down, and it seemed that it was about time for us to be leaving.

"Well," Linda said, settling back in the chair against Richard; Butters was curled contentedly against my side. "Kenny, Butters…we have a surprise for you."

"You're going to love this," Mr. Adler said. Butters sat up, suddenly interested.

"Really mom? A surprise?"

Linda smiled. "Butters, you know how dad and I always get to use the Time-Share in Aspen the last week in August and the first week of September?" My eyes widened as I began to suspect where this was going, and if I was right it meant I would be spending at least a few days with Butters alone in a condo in Aspen. "Well, Richard and I are leaving tomorrow to spend a few days there, and once we get back, we thought you two might like to use it for the Labor Day weekend, before school starts."

"Oh,  _wow!_ " Butters turned to me and grinned. "Thanks, mom!"

"Yeah," I said, overwhelmed. "Thank you…a lot."

"We want you to feel like part of the family, Kenny," Linda said. "You're welcome here anytime."

We left a few minutes later, Butters driving back to my new house while I held a warm Tupperware dish in my lap. Thankfully, my house was empty; Karen was at a sleepover, and my parents were probably out drinking their insurance money. We made our way inside and I put the leftovers in the fridge after writing the name  _KAREN_ on a piece of paper and setting it on top of the lid.

"What a great day, Kenny!" I had Butters backed up against my bedroom door and was grinding against him.

"It was an  _awesome_  day, dude! Your mom…she seems really happy for us. And can you imagine spending a couple days together in a condo? That's going to be so much  _fucking_ fun…"

"I know…" Butters was smiling up at me; I love being taller than him. He had that look in his eye that told me he knew that in about three minutes we would be in my room, naked and rutting like a pair of rabbits. He pressed his face to my chest, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly. "I love you, Ken."

I whispered in his ear while I leaned down to rest my chin on his shoulder looking down past his shoulder. "I love you too, Butters."

A brilliant blue-white light shined from under my door, bathing our ankles in a glow the color of lightning. It only lasted a moment before it was gone again; it was as though for about two seconds someone had been using an arc welder in my room.

Oh no…

Just like that, it was all over. I didn't need the faint whiff of ozone seeping under my door to confirm that Other Kenny had just reincarnated, and was lying on my bed in agony. These had been the happiest days of my life…and now everything was going to change again.

I leaned back to look at Butters. He had his eyes closed and was blissfully unaware of what had just happened. He opened them a moment later and gazed at me, obviously wanting to go into my room. I had to delay him somehow; I wasn't ready for any of this. "Hey, man" I took a step back from him, and surprised myself when I managed to come up with: "Um…I have a surprise for you, too!"

He seemed to believe my bullshit because he smiled at me. "Really, Kenny? Why…it's a day full of surprises, I guess!"

I nodded, trying not to wince.  _You're in for a surprise, all right._ "It sure looks that way. So, um… you have to wait out here while I finish getting it ready though, okay?"

He nodded, trusting me. "Okay, Kenny. Boy, this is like Christmas in the middle of summer!"

"Don't come in until I tell you," I said, opening my door and quickly closing it again behind me. The late afternoon sun was shining in the window, unlike the darkness I had come back to almost two months ago. Kenny was lying in my bed on his side clutching my pillow. I knew the bright light was hurting his eyes even though they were squeezed tightly shut.

I stepped closer, trying to force down the petty jealousy I couldn't help but feel at having him back in our lives again. I also knew I needed to be gentle with him; he'd reincarnated less than a minute ago and I knew he was in agony.

"Hey," I said softly. "Butters is right outside the door, and…" I stopped and crouched down on the carpet next to him. He opened his eyes and looked at me listlessly. There was something in his gaze, some deeper pain than just the bone deep ache of coming back to life.

"Ken…?" I whispered, leaning closer. "You're going to be okay…"

"Uhhh…" he moaned, his first attempt at speaking. His eyes squeezed shut as if he'd been overcome by a fresh wave of pain. "Oh  _God_ …"

"Hey, it's all right." I rested my fingertips on his shoulder. I was starting to realize that something bad had happened to him. His expression and voice were those of someone who had lost everything they loved in some unspeakable tragedy.

"Oh God," he whispered again. He was fighting tears, and a crying jag on top of the pain of rebirth was the last thing he needed at the moment. "It all makes sense now."

My bedroom door opened, and Butters walked in and closed the door behind him, looking at me almost accusingly. I was suddenly irrationally angry that he had come in before I told him he could.

"Butters," I said, trying to keep my voice even. "I asked you to wait outside!"

"No!" he replied angrily. He was staring behind me at Kenny. "I—I remember him!" Butters took two more steps into the room and looked at me again. "I remember the day  _you_  first showed up, when you walked out of your closet a-and I saw you for the first time. And I remember the Fourth of July, and that skyrocket that almost hit you, and killed him instead. Kenny… I—I remember  _everything_."

Oh shit. Okay…now what?

"All right, Butters," I said imploringly, hoping to avoid a scene. I nodded toward the bed. "Uh...we have to give him a few minutes, okay?" I patted the floor beside me. "Come on and sit down; he  _just_  got here a minute ago, and he's in an awful lot of pain right now."

Butters nodded and sat down cross-legged next to me. After a few awkward moments he said: "Y'know, I get why you didn't tell me about him, Ken" He swallowed. "Until a few seconds ago, I wouldn't have believed you."

I nodded and was about to reply when Kenny took a deep breath and tried to speak. His voice was a thin whisper neither of us could hear. Butters leaned forward to rest his hand on top of Kenny's. "It's okay, Ken…"

Kenny recoiled sharply and jerked his hand away. Butters looked at me with hurt in his eyes.

"Hey," I whispered, leaning closer to him. "You're okay…you're with friends, dude."

Kenny seemed to relax at that. He took a breath and whispered, louder this time: "What…what day is this?"

"Um…" I stopped to think of the answer, and Butters spoke up with it first.

"It's August 25th, Kenny."

He shook his head. "No…what—" he coughed harshly, took a deep breath and started again. "What  _year_  is it?"

 


	8. The Inner Light

Chapter 8 – The Inner Light

"Ken?" I asked. His question made no sense to me, and from the puzzled look on Butters' face it didn't to him either. He apparently decided that answering it was the best thing to do.

"Kenny? It—it's—" He told him what year it was.

Telling him that may have been a mistake, as Kenny's eyes closed and he began crying in earnest. I could see him fighting it, clenching the sheets and trying not to move, but it was impossible for him not to. His shoulders shook when he was wracked with a sob and he moaned. "Oww…"

I stood up, not taking my eyes off him for a moment. This was the last thing he needed right now;  _I've_  reincarnated crying a few times (after some particularly awful experience in hell), and when the slightest movement is agony, crying makes it a hundred times worse. No one had ever been around to help me get through it before, but I had the opportunity to try to do something for him now.

He sobbed again, this time barely biting back a scream of pain.

"Butters," I said urgently, taking his arm and pulling him to his feet. "We need to help him." I carefully lay down in bed in front of Kenny. "Go around to the other side of the bed and get behind him and help me try and hold him still." Butters was already moving to obey, understanding immediately what I wanted us to do. He got in bed behind Kenny and the two of us wrapped our arms tightly around each other, sandwiching him firmly between us. Kenny took a deep breath and completely lost it, crying against my shoulder harder than I think I've ever cried before. Butters and I held on grimly while he wept, trying to keep him still.

I couldn't imagine what must have happened to him, or what he had seen, that had him this upset. Sometimes my brief stops in hell and the afterlife can be extremely unpleasant. That question he had asked ("What year is it?") was troubling.

It took a few minutes, but his crying finally began to taper off, and I knew that by now most of the pain of reincarnating would be fading away as well. I eased back from him slightly and felt Butters do the same, both of us waiting to see how he did.

Kenny's eyes flew open at some sudden realization. He carefully turned around so his back was to me and grabbed on to Butters like a drowning man. "Butters," he moaned. "Oh my God, you're here…you're here." He almost sounded like he might start crying again as he clung to Butters. "I didn't mean to pull my hand away from you like that! I'm sorry…oh my God…" Butters was staring over his shoulder at me, a frightened expression on his face.

He finally quieted and rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. "You two must think I'm crazy," he said, giving me a quick glance.

I was beginning to notice something about him: He looked like me, and he had my voice, but at the same time somehow he was nothing like me. Butters was still staring my way as if expecting me to take charge. I had no idea what to say next, but I began with the first thing that popped into my head, hoping the right words would come eventually.

"I think," I replied carefully, "That something  _happened_  to you." Butters' eyes were encouraging, and I went on: "And, um, maybe if you tell us about it, it might help."

He shook his head. "Oh man…do you have a few hours?"

"We have all the time you need, Kenny," Butters replied at once.

He nodded. "Okay…" He sat up straighter between us, and we settled in beside him. "Only I don't really know where to start."

"How about the beginning?" I suggested. "Or, just…y'know, pick a spot somewhere in the middle."

He nodded, but instead of beginning a story he asked us a question. "Where is this place?"

I looked around my new room. "This is…our bedroom, in the new trailer the town bought us, after our old house burned down."

Kenny nodded. "That sky rocket that killed me?"

"Uh huh."

"And that was…what? A month and a half ago?"

"Yeah, Kenny," Butters replied this time. "You've been gone for a long time!"

Kenny shook his head. "You don't even know the half of it…" He reached up and felt his own face, fingertips exploring his cheeks and seeming surprised by what they found there. Butters and I exchanged another glance as Kenny's fingers roamed over his face. "I know," he said suddenly, "how about this? How about I start at the very end instead and go from there, okay?"

It seemed like a rhetorical question, but he was obviously waiting for an answer. Butters nodded and said, "Okay, Ken."

Kenny nodded. "All right…try this out. Fifteen minutes ago, just before I got here—" He paused, making sure we both understood. "I was 78 years old, and in my bed dying of old age." He looked wistful as he looked at me and added, "I bet you never thought  _you'd_ see that happen, huh? My youngest son was there with me…"

"Wait," I said as the implications of what he'd said began to sink in. "What do you mean…?" although I was pretty sure I understood him perfectly.

"I mean I lived an entire lifetime," he said, sounding resigned. "I grew up; and then I grew old, and then I died. And now, here I am again; and you know what? It feels like it happened just that fast, too."

"Jesus man," I whispered. It looked as though Butters was getting it too; he was staring at me from behind Kenny in horror. Somehow, during the seven weeks he'd been gone, this version of me had lived an entire life. He'd become an adult, had a 40th birthday, and a 65th… and lived long enough that old age had finally killed him. And then moments later (to him), he found himself back here with us again, and once more inside his 17 year old body. No wonder he was so freaked out; that's enough to fuck anyone up.

"Oh, geez, Kenny…" Butters sounded lost for words. I opened my mouth to try to say something sympathetic, but Kenny interrupted me.

"Oh, and I don't want you guys to get the wrong idea here, that I know what's going to happen in the future or anything."

"But Kenny…" Butters sounded as confused as I felt. "You just said—"

"I know what I said," he replied. "But guys? I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen next. I don't know who's going to win the Super Bowl next year…or what stocks we should buy, or anything like that."

"This doesn't make sense," I said. Kenny continued as if I hadn't spoken.

"That skyrocket…the one that killed me?" He looked at me and shook his head. "I  _never_  saw that one coming. I was in the backyard, watching the fireworks like—" he nudged Butters. "You said I could. I saw something had gone wrong and there'd been a big explosion at the fairgrounds." He glanced at me again. "I figured  _you_  had probably been killed, and I was just about to run down there when…well, you know what happened next."

Butters and I nodded and he continued: "Well, this time when I died…I went to hell for all of about ten minutes. And I didn't exactly spend it having a cup of tea with Pip or anything." I realized I might have to explain that statement to Butters later. "No, this time I talked to the big man himself."

"You talked to Satan?" I asked. Butters was growing paler by the minute as this story unfolded.

"Uh huh," Kenny replied. "And…" he looked at Butters unhappily. "He was  _pissed_ …that you'd interfered with one of my deaths for the second time in a row."

"Oh, Kenny, I'm sorry!" Butters said. "I didn't mean—"

"Don't worry about it man!" Kenny interrupted. "I never blamed you for what happened. You…you did the only thing you could have done at the time." He tried to pat Butters' arm reassuringly but it seemed awkward and after a moment he stopped and looked down as he continued. "Anyway, Satan…being the completely reasonable demon that he is, told me that he was going to punish  _me_ for it." Butters looked down sadly and I reached across Kenny's chest to rest my fingers on his wrist. "And this is what never made sense to me until just a few minutes ago, and I have a few questions for you guys. But…he told me two things, just before he sent me back to life again."

Kenny waited until we both nodded, making sure we were following him. "He told me that my punishment was that I was going to live the life I would have had, if none of  _this_ —" he pointed his finger at me and then himself. "This thing where there's two of us…had ever happened." He shook his head and looked at me. "And I didn't understand at first how that was even supposed to be a punishment. And then he told me what you and I have to do together, to undo it y'know, and make it so there  _really is_  only one of us again. And I didn't understand how we were supposed to do that if there was only one of me again..."

"He told you how to make it so there's just one of us?" I asked. "How do we do that?"

His face darkened. "I don't want to talk about that yet," he said ominously. His expression made it obvious he wasn't going to either.

"Okay, man," I said reassuringly. Talking to him was starting to feel like talking to a stranger. There was something off about him, and it took me a moment to place it. He was behaving the way  _I_  might if I'd lived for 78 years, died of old age, and was reborn just a few minutes ago back inside my 17 year old body.

Kenny continued: "Satan fucked around with the timeline, and sent me back to that day I got hit by lightning." He looked at Butters. "I woke up to you blowing air in my mouth, and that cop about to shock me again with those paddles…"

Butters nodded unhappily, and I pushed away the thought that there was no doubt which one of us he was going to feel more comfortable with now.

"Anyway," Kenny went on, "I was in the hospital for a couple days—" Butters nodded again at the memory, and Kenny looked at me. "And then I went home…and afterwards, I kept expecting  _you_  to show up again. Only you didn't. I was extra-nervous on July second because that was when you showed up last time."

I blinked; that already seemed like a distant memory to me, that day I walked out of my closet after my own last reincarnation and showed myself to Butters for the first time. Life had seemed so much simpler then, when we thought we could get away with just being in a polyamorous relationship that began with a glitch in this curse I'm stuck with.

Kenny interrupted my thoughts when he continued his story.

"Only you didn't come back then, or the day after, or…yeah. And since there was only one of me—" he looked at us, again making sure we were still following this unbelievable story he was telling us. " _I_  went to the fourth of July festival that year with our friends. And I remember I was sure I was going to die sometime that day, right? I figured it didn't matter where I was, that fucking skyrocket was going to get me somehow. So I figured I might as well spend the day with my friends." He turned to Butters and pulled him closer. "When the first explosion came, I walked away from you guys." He glanced at me for a moment. "Well, not  _you,_  but everyone else, so nobody would get hurt." He swallowed. "You know?"

Butters and I both nodded for him to continue.

"Only, when that last skyrocket took off, it didn't come anywhere near me. In fact, it…" the edges of his mouth quirked faintly upward; it was the first thing even approaching a smile I'd seen from him since he'd arrived. "It crashed through the back window of Mr. Garrison's car and exploded inside."

I had to laugh at that, and Butters snorted and put his hand to his mouth. Kenny looked at both of us and finally smiled for real. "Yeah…that  _was_  pretty funny. Mr. Garrison went apeshit. Cartman put the video he made of it on youtube that night and had something like half a million page views by the next afternoon."

The three of us finally shared a laugh together. It was a welcome moment of levity, which Kenny ended when he continued:

"But this is where everything changed for me. You said this was what? August 25th?" I nodded, remembered that Butters had confirmed that. "Okay, so _this_  is why I have no idea what's going to happen here tomorrow, or next year: Because when all this happened for me, after those fireworks blew up and Mr. Garrison's car went up in flames, we all went home and went on with our lives. I  _still_ wondered where  _you_ were, Ken, and if you were ever going to come back. But then suddenly it didn't matter anymore, because four days later on July 8th, two assholes blew up a huge dirty bomb in Washington, right outside the Capital Building. The blast took out most of Congress…and the radiation afterward? It eventually killed the president, the vice president…pretty much the rest of the government. Oh…and about eight thousand more people."

Oh Christ. I was beginning to figure out what had happened. I asked: "Were those two assholes named Ralph Burgess and Paul Nelson?" Kenny looked at me sharply before I was even finished with the question.

"I  _knew_  it! I was sure you guys would know something about them." He sat forward and wrapped his arms around his knees, looking at me. "So look…all _we_  ever found out afterward was from Burgess' manifesto, which they found online the day after the attack. He built his bomb at his house in Arizona, stopped somewhere on his way to Washington to test a homemade detonator he made…" He paused, and I thought:  _that would be the explosion at our fireworks show._  "Then he drove across the country and picked up his friend Paul Nelson in Maryland. He'd stolen a bunch of uranium from a nuclear power plant. They put everything together and drove to Washington and carried out the worst terrorist attack in history. What do  _you_  two know about them?"

I looked at Butters to see if he wanted to start telling the story, but he didn't look like he wanted to talk. I thought about suggesting a break to get Butters something to drink, but he looked up at me and read my expression. "I—I'm okay, Kenny," he said quietly, curling his fingers around mine. I nodded and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

Kenny was still looking at me expectantly, so I began: "Okay, this is how it happened for us. When that skyrocket hit you, we all started running back to our house. That guy, Burgess…we ran into him on the way. He was stumbling along, not watching where he was going and saying a bunch of weird shit and almost walked right into me, and he shoved Cartman to the ground and got in a van and drove off. He must have come here to test his detonator." Kenny nodded. "Then the cops showed up a minute later and told us they were looking for him. We—" I suddenly realized where everything had gone wrong. "We showed the cops the vehicle he was driving away in, and they caught him a few miles outside of town."

Kenny nodded. "That makes sense. Only in  _my_  time, I guess we were all so distracted by watching Mr. Garrison go postal while his car burned up that we weren't in the right place at the right time to show the cops where that guy Burgess was…"

Oh shit. I watched realization dawn in Butters' eyes as he figured it out too.

"So," Kenny continued. "To sum this up: Burgess got away, drove his bomb across the country, and picked up his buddy with the stolen uranium in Maryland. They put it all together and committed the worst terrorist attack ever. And afterward the whole country went to shit, a  _lot_  of people died…but I never died again until I got old, and died of old age. And now…here I am."

We sat in stunned silence for a few moments. Butters was shaking his head slowly. "What happened after they blew up that bomb?" I finally asked.

Kenny shook his head grimly. "With…with the government pretty much  _gone_ , everything just sort of fell apart. There was rioting and looting, and eventually people were desperate enough for food that they started killing each other for it…guys, it was really bad for a while."

"But it wasn't  _all_ bad, was it Kenny?" Butters finally spoke. "Your whole life I mean? I…you said your youngest son was with you when you died? We…had kids together? Did we adopt them…?"

"No, Butters," Kenny replied. "They were my kids, not ours. And they came along much later. Butters…you died when you were twenty…"

Oh shit, I'd heard enough. I took a breath to interrupt him and Butters squeezed my fingers almost painfully and shot me a warning glance. So I reluctantly stayed silent and watched Butters closely as Kenny continued.

"The first couple years? We did okay…I mean, most of the really bad stuff happened out east, and on the west coast, in the bigger cities. The Colorado state government managed to pull things together for a while. There was a lot of rationing, but we did okay. But two years later when the bigger cities had all been looted, they moved on to smaller towns. And one night they came, hundreds of them. They completely overran us." His eyes were haunted as he went on. "Stan died when we were running toward his truck to try to get away; he took a bullet in the throat, and we couldn't help him because they were getting closer. And Butters, you—"

"Dude,  _no_ ," I interrupted. He turned to me and suddenly looked crestfallen.

"Sorry," he mumbled. He turned around to look at Butters. "I'm sorry…but you didn't make it either. And…I was alone for a long time after that, and I hated myself for not keeping you safe." He choked back a sob and wiped his hand across his nose. I reached down and picked a shirt up off the floor and handed it to him to wipe his eyes. He blew his nose and went on, sounding suddenly exhausted. "I met Sandra when I was 46, and we had three sons together. And I missed you every single day, Butters! I—I managed to hang on to a few pictures of you, and had them displayed everywhere I lived. I always felt bad that I couldn't love her the way I loved you, and I was sure she knew it too, but…"

He trailed off and we sat in silence for a moment. I could see Butters getting ready to speak, and I had a feeling he was about to remind me again why I love him so much.

"Ken?" he began. "I—I know you've been through a lot, and I'm real sorry all that happened to you! But…you're okay now! You're back with us again; and none of that bad stuff is going to happen this time." He was doing great; I knew we had our work cut out for us as we helped him cope with what happened to him, but Butters' speech seemed like an excellent beginning. We would find a way to help him, and make our bizarre relationship work. "Kenny…you've always had this really strong inner light. You'd been through so much when you were little, but you just kept going. I believe in you! A-and we're gonna help get you through this, okay? You're safe now, Kenny."

He had been doing great, better than I ever could have; but whatever he was going to say next was lost when Kenny interrupted him with just eight words. "No, we're not safe!  _No one_  is safe."

An uneasy silence fell over us at that, and I was angry that he'd interrupted Butters with that. "What do you mean?"

Kenny looked more and more unhappy by the moment as he replied. "The last thing that Satan said to me…before he returned me back to life again?" I nodded for him to continue. "Right after he told me what you and I have to do to make it so there's just one of us again…and goddamnit, I've spent 61 years trying to understand what he meant, and I only now get it. He told me that…" his eyes narrowed as he tried to recall Satan's exact words. "If one of us dies  _before_  we undo this…then everything will change back to the other timeline."

He paused and looked at each of us in turn. "Oh…" Butters said, as understanding dawned on me at the same moment.

Kenny continued, staring straight at me: "If you or I die before we can fix this, or if we put it off for too long, then everything will change. Those two guys will blow up that bomb and the country will go to pieces, just like it did for me before. Maybe if that happens, I can do a better job keeping you safe; but guys…we can't let that happen."

"We have to undo this then," I said. "I know you said you didn't want to talk about this; but you're going to have to now, okay?"

He nodded. "You guys are really going to hate me…"

"No we won't, Ken!" Butters said firmly. "There's nothing you could ever say that would make that happen." Yet I suddenly wasn't so sure of that. I knew Satan well enough to know he might have thrown in some awful condition at the very end, something to punish all three of us with.

Kenny nodded. "You know…these really were the happiest days of my life, this time I had with you." He was looking pointedly at Butters. "There were a few times in the last thirty years or so, when I thought that maybe I'd built you up in my mind a little too much, you know? But…now I know, you really are every bit as amazing and beautiful as I remember you."

"Oh Ken, geez." Butters put his arm around him and pulled him close. "We could never hate you! Especially for something that isn't your fault!"

"What do we need to do, dude?" I asked. I was dreading the answer, especially as a suspicion of what it might involve suddenly occurred to me.

Kenny looked down sadly. "Guys…neither one of you are going to like this."


	9. The Highest Maintenance Boyfriend Ever

  

Chapter 9 – The Highest Maintenance Boyfriend Ever

"I think I know what it is," I said. Kenny looked at me expectantly as if he weren't at all surprised that I'd figured it out. "We  _both_  have to die together, don't we?"

He nodded and replied, "Not just together; we have to both die at the exact same moment. Satan told me that if it happens more than a second or so apart, it won't work, those guys will blow up that bomb…and there'll still be two of us, with no chance of fixing things ever again."

I knew Satan would come up with something fucked up like that. I was about to ask Ken a question when I realized Butters was staring at me, appalled.  _Aw, fuck…_  His lips were quivering. "What?  _No…!_ "

"Oh, hey…" I reached for him and pulled him against me, cursing myself for my thoughtlessness of a moment ago. "C'mere…" He grabbed me around my chest and held on tight as I pulled him closer, hoping I hadn't upset him too much. I thought about making him leave the room for this, but I didn't want him to go.

"Why do you  _BOTH_  have to die?" he said angrily. He was fighting tears, but he sounded more pissed off than upset. "That doesn't make sense!  _Why?_ "

I reached up to cup the back of his head, holding him close while he clung to me. I knew I had to explain it, find a way to make him understand that it actually  _did_  make a twisted sort of sense, because of how time is measured differently in hell than it is here. But first I needed to comfort him.

"It's because," Kenny began, before Butters had calmed down. "Of the way time is so different here than—"

"Dude!" I said angrily, moving my other hand up Butters' back to pull him even closer. If I could, I would put my hands over his ears (the way I used to do with Karen when she was little and our parents were fighting in the next room) so he couldn't hear. "Would you just… _shut UP_ …for a minute?"

Butters had been wrong. Even though I knew this wasn't Kenny's fault, I hated him at this moment for bringing this shitstorm into our lives. Butters and I were all set to have a wonderful life together, just the two of us. Christ, his mother had accepted the idea of the two of us being together, my impoverished childhood and the fact that I had almost blinded him in fourth grade forgiven. It doesn't get any better than that. It occurred to me that our trip to Aspen might not ever happen now. I was glaring at him as I held Butters, as if challenging him.  _Say something, motherfucker._

Kenny looked away, and I turned my attention back to Butters, slowly rocking him while he tried not to cry. Eventually he calmed down, and leaned back to look at me. "Okay…why?" he asked dully. "Why do you both…" He trailed off; there was no need to finish the question anyway.

"Butters," I said slowly, choosing my words carefully, needing him to understand. "It's because time is completely different in the afterlife than it is here. Remember when I walked out of my closet and you saw me for the first time? To you, it seemed like I'd been gone for ten days, but it only felt like about twelve hours for me."

"Or I was gone from here for a month and a half, and lived through 61 years," Kenny added, and looked at me angrily, yet his voice was perfectly calm, no doubt for Butters' sake. "You know…I didn't ask for any of this to happen, and I'm sorry. I  _told_  you guys you were going to hate me—"

I nodded slowly. "I know, man." I couldn't bring myself to stay angry at him. Stan would probably call it 'blaming the messenger' or some shit. None of this was his fault. "I'm sorry too." Our eyes met and I glanced down at the top of Butters' head, trying to send him a silent message:  _Just tone it down a bit._  I looked back at him and he nodded.

I reached up to run my fingers through Butters' hair. "But I think what has to happen is we both have to die at the same moment, so that we both arrive in the afterlife together." I looked at Kenny questioningly and he nodded again.

"That's about it," he said. "If we're both there at the same time, then we get put back together again, and come back to life as one person."

"Butters, if this works…" Several things had occurred to me at the same time and they tumbled out in a rush. "Things will go back to normal again. There'll be just one of me; um, we'll kind of be saving the world…and you won't even remember any of it happened! Hell, you won't even have to be there when we do it." Kenny cleared his throat at that, but said nothing. I leaned down to whisper against Butters' ear. "I know this is really, really fucked up. But…you can see it's the right thing to do, can't you?"

Butters nodded sadly. "I—I guess so. I just wish that…" he trailed off, looking unsure of what he was about to wish for.

I lay back against the headboard, pulling Butters onto my chest. Kenny lay down on my other side and we lay quietly for several minutes. I realized this might be the last time the three of us ever did this together, and wondered what Butters was thinking about.

"Should we, ah," I began, once the silence had started growing awkward. "Talk about this now? Butters, um, maybe you should—"

"I don't want to leave, Kenny. Not yet, anyway."

I nodded, and Kenny propped his head on his hand. I looked at him and said, "Okay…um, let's try to tone down the violence a bit okay? But…yeah. I'm sure you've thought about this." I glanced at Butters for a moment, lying with his head on my chest, and looked up at Kenny again. "So…what do we do? Go up to the roof of Hell's Pass Hospital and jump together? That new section is six stories high, that should be enough…" but Kenny was shaking his head.

"No. It might  _not_  be." I must have looked surprised, because he added quietly, "Remember, I've had an entire lifetime to think about this, back when I thought you were going to suddenly show up in my life again." He sighed. "But if we try to jump off a building together, it might not work. What if one of us jumps one second before the other, and lands on his head and dies at once? Then the other one of us lands a moment later on his feet and lives a few seconds. Hell, he might even survive falling six stories."

I shook my head. "Jesus, Ken. That eliminates a lot of things! We can't poison ourselves…or—"

"Nope…whatever we do, it has to be quick. I've thought about, um…" he looked nervously at the back of Butters' head. "Both of us throwing ourselves in front of a train at the same time; but even  _that_  isn't guaranteed."

"You know something that is, though," I replied. "And I think I know what that is too." I moved my hand up to rub Butters' back. "Dad's shotgun."

"Rifle," Kenny corrected me. "But yeah. There's only one sure way to do this, to make certain we die together almost instantly: We—" He swallowed and pointed to a spot an inch above his ear. "Put our heads right next to each other, and put one shot through them both, right about here."

I winced. "Jesus, dude." My gut churned at that remark, but I didn't feel Butters react to it at all.

Kenny continued, "The thing is, there's even a problem with that. But…we'll deal with it later. Do you know where he keeps it now?" He looked around our new bedroom.

"I haven't looked since we moved here," I replied. "I know he bought a new one though, and I bet he still keeps it in their bedroom closet." Butters seemed to sense we were about to get up to go look for it and sat up. His eyes were shiny but he seemed calm enough. "Uh…so I guess we should go check?" I took hold of Butters' hand and reminded him again, "Butters, you don't have to be here for this if you don't want—"

"Don't make me leave, Kenny! A—at least, not yet, okay?"

I nodded. "All right, man." We looked at each other, and Butters and I stood up together, still holding hands. I looked at Kenny and only then remembered that the only thing he was wearing was that orange parka, his lower half covered by our blanket.

He was smiling at me as if he'd been reading my mind. "Yeah…can I borrow some clothes?" I felt some of the tension leave the room.

"Of course you can, Kenny," Butters replied, going to my dresser and bringing back a pair of boxers and a tee shirt. I tossed him a pair of jeans from the closet and he started getting dressed. He carefully stood up a moment later, still shirtless and looking a bit unsteady. Butters and I both stood ready in case he stumbled, but he stood up straighter and nodded, taking a few cautious steps forward.

We started to walk out of the room, but Kenny paused in front of my dresser to look in the mirror. "Hang on a minute; I have to see this," he said, leaning his hands on the dresser to study his reflection. Butters squeezed my hand and we stood by the door, watching him. "Oh my  _God…_ " he whispered reverently, reaching up again with one hand to explore his face. He spotted us in the mirror, looking at him. "Ah, well… _there's_  a reflection I haven't seen in a long time." His hand moved down to finger his right shoulder and Butters squeezed my fingers again. "And what do you know? It took 61 years, but I finally got rid of that scar."

I shook my head, completely lost for words. I wouldn't be able to be this calm if I'd been through everything he'd told us he had. Or, maybe everything he'd experienced had prepared him…

He finally turned away from the mirror and looked at me. "Hey…you'll be happy to hear this: You keep these devilishly good looks all the way into your 60s."

"Well,  _that's_ good to know," Butters replied, squeezing my hand again. His cheerfulness sounded forced.

"I can't imagine what all this must be like for you, dude," I said. It felt as though I needed to acknowledge it somehow.

Kenny nodded, seeming happy that I had. "Thanks."

We finally left my room and I led the way down the hall to my parent's bedroom. Kenny and Butters hung back while I walked in and opened their closet door and looked inside. We'd been living here for less than two months and already their room was growing a Pabst Blue Ribbon bottle collection; there were dozens of them in a trash can in the corner, on the floor next to it, and the dresser.

I spotted dad's rifle leaning against a corner in the closet, somehow looking menacing. I hated the thing. I've never fired it, but watched my dad shoot his other one a few times. It's hellishly loud and shoots rocket-shaped cartridges that are almost three inches long and blow huge holes in things. I reached in and carefully lifted it by its barrel, making certain to keep it aimed toward the ceiling as I stepped back from the closet. I was nervous it might spontaneously fire all by itself or something.

Kenny walked into the room a moment later, Butters one step behind him. He was staring at the rifle fearfully. Kenny took it confidently from me, pointed it toward my parent's bed, and slid the bolt toward himself with a loud click.

He must have seen our nervous expressions. "Guys…I've owned this gun for most of my life. I know what I'm doing." He carefully removed three cartridges from the rifle and held them in his hand, gleaming brass shining in the daylight from the window. "Stupid drunk idiot keeps it loaded," he said, shaking his head.

"This was your gun?" I asked.

"Yep." He carefully set the three cartridges on the dresser next to an empty Pabst bottle. "Dad didn't live much longer after everything…well, went to shit. I kept his gun; last time I shot it was maybe ten years ago."

"Those are scary looking bullets," Butters said, eyeing them warily. I put my arm around him, glad to not be holding the gun anymore.

"Cartridges," Kenny corrected absently. He peered into the rifle's chamber, satisfying himself it was unloaded and drew the bolt closed again. "Those are three-oh-eight Winchesters," Kenny said. "They exit the barrel at about 2,700 feet per second; one of these  _will_  do the trick." He lifted the rifle by its barrel and, incredibly, pointed it directly at his forehead.

_"_ _Kenny!"_  Butters shouted. "Be careful!"

"It's okay, man." Kenny pointed the rifle toward the ceiling again. "It's completely unloaded…look." He pulled the trigger and the firing pin clicked hollowly. "And my hand's not anywhere near the trigger now…" He pointed the gun at his head again. "But do you see the problem?"

I saw it instantly. The stock and barrel of the gun were too long, and the trigger was too far away for him to reach while holding it in this position.

"Even if I deep-throat the barrel, that trigger is too far away to reach and still reliably aim; and even if I could reach it, shooting out the back of my neck might not be immediately fatal." He lowered the rifle to his side again, once again pointing the barrel carefully toward the ceiling. "No…we need to be able to reliably aim this so one shot goes through the middle of both our heads in a straight line, and we can't do that if one of us is holding it." He looked at his feet and sighed. "We're, um…gonna need someone to pull the trigger for us."

When I realized what he was saying, my fury at him erupted all over again. " _Fuck_  you!" I said angrily. I had no intention of allowing this to happen. "You are  _not_  going to ask Butters to do that! We'll find some other way…"

Kenny looked crestfallen, but surprisingly it was Butters who spoke next.

"Ken? Just…just wait a minute, okay?" He appeared to be deep in thought.

I looked at him incredulously. "You're not actually thinking about  _agreeing_  to this, are you?"

"What choice do we have, Kenny?" Butters asked me quietly. "You heard him say how important this is; and what will happen if you two don't do it in time. I don't exactly like the idea…but it's the best one we've got."

Of all the times for Butters to side with him over me, it has to be about  _this?_  I opened my mouth to argue, but Butters continued, interrupting me.

"Kenny…you have to be the highest maintenance boyfriend in history." Kenny choked down a laugh at that, and I couldn't help but smirk too; it  _had_  been pretty funny. And at least we were talking to each other rationally, instead of Kenny and me getting into a fight about it.

"I mean…maybe we could convince Eric to do it, but—he'd just find some way to mess it up." He gave us a small, sad smile. "And there's really only one reason I'm agreeing to do this: You said I won't remember it afterwards, right?"

"Well, yeah," I replied grudgingly. "That's the way it always works, but…"

"Then that's why I'm okay with doing this," Butters interrupted. "I mean…yeah, it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'll make sure I take my time and do it right." He turned to look at Kenny. "I know  _you'll_  make sure of that. But…I can do this only because the two of you promise me I won't remember it afterward."

He looked at us expectantly, and we both nodded before he continued. "Okay, good." He seemed to be struggling for words. "Fellas, I—I remember what it's like not to remember. I mean…" he looked at Kenny again. "That night you got hit by that skyrocket? I remember how hard I cried, and how I ran away right after they found your body and Kenny went after me and held me and told me it would be okay and that you'd be back. A—and we went to a motel afterward, and we were just going to cuddle together all night. But when Kenny went into the lobby to get the room…I just  _forgot_ …"

He trailed off for a moment, and I released a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. The room was absolutely silent except for Butters' voice.

"A—and I could tell you were real worried about me when you came back with our room key," Butters continued, looking at me again. "But when you asked me if I was all right, well…I had no idea why you asked! And after I told you of course I was okay... if you had tried to tell me what had just happened an hour before with that skyrocket, or that I'd spent the last two days messin' around with both you fellas, makin' jokes about having five more of you so I could have a Kenny for each day of the week…well, I wouldn't have believed you."

"I understand," Kenny said quietly. Butters and I both looked at him. "That's how it's always been when people forget our deaths. This is just a whole new perspective on it."

Butters nodded at him and continued, "But the  _point_  is…If the two of you can  _promise me_  that it'll be just like that again once this is all over…" He swallowed, looking back and forth between us. "Then I'm okay with doing whatever I have to do to make things right again."

"Jesus, Butters," Kenny whispered. I had no idea what to say, but Kenny wasn't lost for words as he added, "Okay, cool. And yes, that's how it will go." He looked at me as if for confirmation, and I nodded.

"Yeah, that's right, Butters. If you're really sure you want to do this, then yeah…you'll forget all about it in a few hours. You'll just need to keep reminding yourself of that until it happens."

Kenny said, "And yes, I'll help you make sure everything goes right."

"The  _first_  time," I said quickly, and the three of us laughed nervously.

Kenny's smile faded as he asked, "Have you ever fired a gun before, Butters?"

Much to my surprise, Butters nodded. "Yeah…just my dad's .22 pistol though"

"Okay." Kenny seemed as surprised as I was. "That's a good start; although this rifle kicks a whole lot harder, but I'll show you how to brace yourself. And, um, you know it's one thing to shoot at an empty can, and another to point a rifle at someone's head and—"

"Yeah, yeah," Butters said angrily, turning on him suddenly. "Don't make me overthink this, Ken, or I might change my mind." Kenny stared at him, stunned.

"Sorry man." He held his hands up between them.

"When we do this," Butters said ominously. I knew he was laying down rules we would have to agree to before we could proceed. "We're going to do this on  _my_  terms." He reached out suddenly and grabbed the two of us around our shoulders, pulling us toward him into a close three way hug. "And  _my_ terms are…the three of us are going to have a picnic together first."

 


	10. The Elephant In The Car

Chapter 10 – The Elephant in the Car

The three of us loaded Butters' car with my sleeping bag and the blankets and pillows from my bed since our 'picnic' was apparently going to be a campout as well, and (after I told Butters he wouldn't miss them for a couple days any more than he'd miss his rifle) my dad's sleeping bag and ice chest.

Once we'd packed everything else, Butters told Kenny to "go ahead and load the gun…and all three of those cartridges," and while he hid our dad's rifle inside the leg of a pair of our jeans and carefully slid the cartridges into a sock and carried them out to the car, Butters and I sat down at my desk and googled '.308 Winchesters' and learned more about them and what they were capable of doing than I ever wanted to know.

Once Butters started scrolling through images of holes blasted through sheets of plywood and watermelons that had been completely obliterated I looked away, trying to distract myself from thinking about what one of those cartridges is going to do to my head in a few hours by wondering which of us was going to ride in the front seat with Butters on the way to wherever we were going to do this.

Butters noticed my discomfort and quickly minimized the browser. "I'm sorry Kenny! I—I guess you didn't really need to see that." He looked dejected. "I just wanted to see what they could do…"

"That's all right. Although you know…" I swallowed, uncertain if I should bring this up but knowing we'd have to talk about our plans in more detail eventually. "You've actually seen the results of me getting shot in the head before, except that time it was with a small handgun. You just don't remember it."

"I know…you told me about that once, how I watched you shoot yourself in the head when we were kids, playing super heroes in Eric's basement?"

"Twice," Kenny said, walking back into the room and rejoining us. "You were locked inside that stupid jail cell Cartman built both times; you don't remember that at all, do you?"

"Uh huh," Butters replied, shaking his head. "Or any of the other times you died, except the Fourth of July; but…I believe they really happened now. A-and I'll never doubt anything either one of you tell me ever again."

Kenny nodded, and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was: That if what we were going to do later was successful, there'll only be one of us left to tell him anything, and he won't remember any of this ever happened.

"We should probably get going," Butters said a moment later. "It'll be dark in an hour, and we still have to stop at the grocery store."

Butters settled the question of who was going to ride up front with him when we were walking to his car a minute later. "I—I think both you fellas should ride in the back seat until we get there." He looked down. "I figure it's probably safer that way…"

Kenny and I nodded at each other. "Yeah," I replied. "That's a good idea. I, um… _we_  don't usually die after being back for just one day…but we need to be extra careful until this is over with."

I climbed into the back seat behind Butters, and Kenny went around to the other side and got in next to me.

"Are we going to our spot?" I asked as he drove toward Fairfax Road, hoping that we were.

Butters' eyes met mine in the rearview mirror. "Yep! Right after we get the stuff for our picnic. I hope you're both hungry."

"I haven't thought about that place in years," Kenny said. Henrietta Biggle had told  _me_ about it a few months ago after she and her friends had discovered it; Butters and I had been there twice. It was a great spot for a picnic with a spectacular view, and it was close enough to town that it wouldn't take us long to get there, but far enough away that a couple of gunshots wouldn't bother anybody. "And yeah, I'm starving. This is a great idea Butters, thanks."

Butters drove into the parking lot of the grocery store, parked as far away from the dozen cars in the lot as he could, and shut off his car. There was an awkward silence, which Butters finally broke.

"Much as I'd like to go in there and show off my two identical boyfriends, I think maybe you both should wait out here."

"Yeah," I replied, thinking the same thing. "That might bring a little more attention to us than we want right now."

Kenny cleared his throat. "Hey Butters, I hate to ask…" he said hesitantly. "Especially since I don't have any of my own money; but, um, would you mind getting me a pack of cigarettes, like Marlboros or something, and maybe a lighter?"

Butters looked at him gravely and nodded. "Sure, Ken; if you really want. We'll need something to get a campfire going with anyway."

"You started smoking again?" I asked. I'd 'dabbled' with cigarettes for a few months before Butters and I started getting serious, just three or four a day to 'relieve tension'. Once Butters and I were beginning to hook up, I found that our hurried meetings behind the gym during lunch period were a much better stress reliever; plus Butters had asked me to quit, saying 'he wanted me to live as long as possible.' I'd inwardly scoffed at the irony of that, but I also swore off cigarettes that day and haven't had one since.

"Yeah," Kenny replied with a wry smile. "That whole living in a post-apocalyptic America thing was pretty stressful." Butters looked grimly back at him and nodded.

"Anything else?" Butters asked us. Inspiration suddenly hit me, and I leaned forward, taking hold of his arm while I whispered three words in his ear.

"German potato salad."

Butters grinned at me. The stuff the deli makes here is delicious, and I was sure Ken would enjoy it, and possibly hadn't had anything like it in a very long while. "You bet, Ken." He looked around the car one last time. "Anything  _else?"_

We all exchanged glances and came up empty. "Nope…guess not," Kenny said.

"All right then." Butters climbed out of his car and just before he closed the door he looked back at us and said in his best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice: "I'll be back." The door slammed and we both watched him walk away.

"You know, one reason he left us here is so we'd have time to talk," Kenny observed a moment later. He sure wasn't wasting any time getting to it.

"Yeah, I know," I replied. "That, plus it actually would create a scene if he walked in there with the two of us."

Kenny nodded, and we settled back against the seat in an uncomfortable silence. "I know all this wasn't part of your plans," Kenny said after a minute.

"Going on a spur of the moment camping trip that's going to end with Butters murdering us? Nah, that really wasn't on my agenda."

Kenny sighed, and I realized I was being a dick. I was about to try to apologize when he interrupted me. "Hey man. I'm tryin' real hard here…"

"I know," I replied, sighing heavily. "I'm sorry…I don't mean to be an asshole. I know none of this is your fault. But I guess I gotta be pissed off at something…but it shouldn't be the messenger, right?" I looked up and forced myself to smile. "Dude…you're right: I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around all this; and how fast it's happening. I mean, Butters and I were going to spend a few days together in Aspen next weekend, and now we're doing  _this_  instead."

"Nothing went exactly how I thought it was going to either," Kenny said. "Two hours ago, I thought I was about to die of old age…and I kind of wish I _had…_ instead of coming back here to this."

I nodded. "I know, dude. Do you think this is going to work?"

"I can't think of anyone I trust more to help," he replied. "I mean…I hate putting him, or putting both you guys, in this position…but yes, I think Butters will get this right and that it'll work."

"You know he hasn't said anything, and he's trying to be his usual cheerful self…but this can't be easy for him, knowing what he's going to have to do. It's… it's like a big elephant in the room, or I guess in this case the car. And we're going to have to talk with him about it eventually."

Kenny nodded. "I know." He spread his fingers, studying the back of his hands. "I think we should let him bring it up when he's ready though."

I bit my lower lip. "Yeah, that makes sense." There was another long silence, this one less awkward. "He… _died,_  huh?" I asked a minute later. "That had to have been awful…"

"Man, I really don't want to talk about that." He looked down at the floorboards. "That haunted me for the rest of my life, the fact that I wasn't able to keep him safe." His eyes were sad when he looked back up at me. "If this works, then that  _won't_  happen again; and it's going to work. I know it is."

I regarded him for a moment and finally rested my hand on his knee. "I just hope that when the time comes, this doesn't turn into a giant shit show. I mean…what we're asking him to do…"

"I'll tell you something," Kenny replied. "After, you know, the government fell and everything? He was  _real_  strong…I mean, before he got killed. He was a big part in helping get the town organized; and I showed him how to use that rifle, and he got to where he could bring down a deer from a couple hundred yards away. Shit, he even got over his squeamishness about field dressing them." That last was said with pride in his voice.

I nodded, trying to picture Butters doing that. I've seen Stan's Uncle Jimbo do it a couple times; it's a nasty unpleasant job that involves cutting open a deer from its asshole to its chest to remove its internal organs. The idea of Butters doing that was difficult to imagine.

I studied him for a moment. Now that we were talking together like friends again, I wished we could have more time together; I wanted to ask him about everything that had happened to him. One night was not going to be enough time. We fell into another silence, but this one felt comfortable.

"What did you whisper to him before he left?" Kenny asked several minutes later.

"Oh." I grinned, looking out the window past him and spotting Butters exiting the store pushing a shopping cart. "It's a secret; but you'll find out later. And speak of the devil, here he comes now."

He turned and we both watched him approach; his shopping card was fully loaded, and there was something I wasn't expecting to see at the bottom of it: Two small pumpkins, underneath several grocery bags and take out buckets from the deli.

"He could probably use a hand," Kenny said when Butters was ten feet away. I nodded, and he opened his door and called out, "Hey, you want some help with all that?"

Butters looked around, and seeing that there was no one else nearby, answered "sure."

We both eagerly climbed out to help. I couldn't help but stare in wonder at the shopping cart. In the ten minutes he'd been gone, Butters had managed to completely fill it, and we began loading the grocery bags into the trunk. Butters put a bag of ice into the cooler and put two deli containers and a twelve pack of cokes in with it. The two pumpkins along with a cardboard bucket that I saw was a dozen pieces of fried chicken went in the trunk alongside the spare tire.

"Here, Ken," he said, reaching into one of the bags and handing Kenny a pack of Marlboros and an orange Bic lighter. I looked inside the bag and saw a roll of duct tape a moment before Butters scrunched it shut and tried to set it nonchalantly next to the bucket of chicken. "I hope you know you can't smoke in my car," he added giving him a smile that seemed forced. Kenny smirked.

"Yeah…I didn't think so. They're for later anyway."

"Butters, are you planning on making pumpkin pies over a campfire or something?" I asked as he closed his trunk. Butters looked at his feet uncomfortably and Kenny answered for him.

"I know what those are for," he said, looking at Butters admiringly. "That's pretty smart, man. You should get in at least one practice shot, before…" He trailed off.

I figured it out too, a moment before Butters answered him. "Yeah, I want to see for myself what one of those…cartridges can do, a-and how hard that gun kicks."

I couldn't help but agree with them. "Yeah…that  _is_  a good idea." I was also thinking of how horrible it was.

"We should get going," Butters said, putting an end to the conversation for now. We climbed back into the car and drove west, out of town. The streetlights were beginning to come on around us.

"Tell us about your sons, Kenny," Butters said, once the lights of town were behind us and we were driving toward the fading sunset. I glanced at his face in the rearview mirror, barely visible in the growing dusk.

"Well…" Kenny looked down, seeming almost embarrassed. I reached over to take his hand and he squeezed my fingers gratefully. "Yeah, okay. Um…we named our oldest Leopold. I don't know what to say, except…he was the greatest kid ever."

"You named him after me?" Butters asked. I looked up and caught him staring at us in his rearview mirror. This time, the smile on his face seemed genuine.

"Well, yeah." Kenny replied as if the answer was obvious.

"Did you nickname him Butters?" I asked. Kenny shook his head.

"Nah; that was reserved for…him." He nodded toward the back of Butters' head. "His mother always said he took after me…a little too much." He smiled fondly. "Something I'll always remember: I got him a German Shepherd puppy for his tenth birthday. I'll never forget the look on his face the first time he saw him."

I nodded, squeezing his hand.

"Kevin came along two years later," Kenny went on. "He was always the bookish one. He was a lot like Kyle Broflovski used to be, only with less of a temper." He smiled. "Like:  _Much_  less of a temper…" He stared off for a moment, and I nodded my head encouragingly. Butters became focused on his driving as he turned off the paved road onto a barely visible trail, his headlights shining into a thick pine forest. "And then there was our youngest." Kenny smiled wistfully as the car bounced down the trail. "We were both hoping for a girl this time so we could name her Karen; that was Sandra's mother's name too. But we had another boy…so we named him Kerry. He was the dreamer of the bunch…and probably the one who took after Butters the most."

Kenny fell silent after that. We drove into a large open clearing in the middle of the woods with a spectacular view of the mountains straight ahead. Butters drove to within ten feet of a large tree that had fallen over years ago and shut off his car. We looked around for several moments; fifteen feet away on our right, someone had constructed a large stone fire ring.

Butters finally said, "Why don't you two fellas stay together and get a fire going, while I get our picnic set up?"

That seemed agreeable, and I opened my door, wincing at the glare from the dome light. We climbed out, and Kenny and I went to forage for firewood while Butters opened his trunk. It didn't take long for us to gather an evening's worth of wood and soon we had a roaring fire going. Butters had spread the two sleeping bags on the ground next to the car and was carrying grocery sacks from his trunk.

Kenny and I walked off to get more wood. "Do you want to have that cigarette now while I go and give Butters a hand?" I asked. "I'd rather not smell it, in case it makes me want one too."

Kenny nodded. "Sure man." He was already tearing open the pack. "Thanks."

I turned and walked back toward the car; Ken's lighter flared in the darkness behind me. I walked around our campfire and joined Butters behind his trunk.

"Kenny's having a cigarette," I said by way of preamble. "I told him I didn't want to smell it in case it made me want one too."

Butters nodded. "So…you two are okay?"

"Yeah, we are. He's…different, you know what I mean?" He nodded again and I continued. I know he's been through a lot, but…wow." I watched Butters struggle with the ice chest for a moment. "Um, do you need a hand?"

"You can carry the cooler over and put it with the rest of the stuff," Butters replied. "Everything else is all set up." I carried the ice chest over and set it at the end of the blanket alongside the other deli containers and bags he'd set out. Butters had even bought marshmallows, graham crackers and bars of chocolate for us to make s'mores later.

Butters joined me and we sat down and watched Kenny smoking his cigarette off in the distance. He looked at us once and waved. The fire made flickering shadows all around us.

"This was a really good idea, Butters," I said, reaching into the cooler and taking out a can of coke.

"I thought we ought to do something fun, y'know, before…" He trailed off, apparently once again not ready yet to actually talk about what we were here for. Kenny walked back to us, chucked his cigarette butt into the fire and sat down next to me.

"Let's eat!" Butters said and opened the lid of my dad's cooler. He pulled out a small cardboard bucket and handed it to me with a knowing look in his eyes.

I grinned. "Here, dude." I passed the container to Kenny. "This is what I whispered to Butters just before he went into the store."

He pulled off the lid and looked inside. His eyes widened. "Oh my God…I remember this!" He looked around, finally reaching for a white plastic spork from the package Butters had bought. He dug a forkful of German Potato Salad from the bucket and ate it. "Oh Jesus, this is good…thanks guys!" He shoved another forkful into his mouth.

"Looks like he likes it," I said, nudging Butters. "Maybe he'll even let us have some later."

"I'm sure he will," Butters replied agreeably, removing the lid from the bucket of chicken and taking out a piece. "I bought enough to choke an elephant."

Kenny scowled and turned away, clutching the bucket in his lap protectively. "No…my precious…"

Butters and I both laughed, and Kenny turned back grinning and handed me the container of potato salad. We dished up three paper plates with biscuits and two different kinds of salad and settled back to eat our dinner.

"All three of my kids loved reading 'The Lord of the Rings', Kenny said wistfully some minutes later. His plate of food seemed momentarily forgotten in his lap. "We'd read it out loud to each other every night after dinner." He laughed. "We didn't exactly have the internet to entertain ourselves with anymore."

He told us a few stories about his past life while we ate, and once we were finished we put our leftovers back into the cooler and tended the fire. Finally we lay down together on the sleeping bag, watching the flames light up the night.

"Ken?" Butters said quietly a few minutes later. I wondered if it was time for us to have that talk now; but Butters was clearly looking at Kenny rather than both of us, about to ask him something that sounded important, but didn't involve him shooting us sometime in the next few hours.

Kenny turned to look at him. "Hmm?"

Butters swallowed, clearly nervous about what he was about to ask. "I was wondering something: Sh…should I be afraid of getting old?"

My eyes widened. Interesting question…I looked at Kenny, regarding his face in the flickering light wondering how he was going to answer that.

He took a deep breath and sat up straighter, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Nah," he replied. "As long as you do one thing while it's happening, it's not so bad."

I was fascinated by his answer. "What's that?" Butters asked the question I was about to.

"Make the most of every single day along the way," he replied. "Don't spend years of your life waiting for things to happen, spend each day  _making_  them happen. Grownups aren't kidding when they talk about how fast the years go by…and if you sit around doing nothing day after day, you'll eventually regret all the things you didn't do when you had the time. I think most people finally learn that lesson when it's too late; I know I did." He was watching me, and suddenly looked amused. "You know…I can almost hear you rolling your eyes over there."

I laughed indignantly and sat up straighter. "No I wasn't!" I protested. "I was really interested in what you were saying."

"So was I, Kenny," Butters chimed in. "I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't."

Kenny nodded, looking pensive. "Wow, okay. Sorry about that. I guess I completely misread you." He sighed, resting his chin on his bent knees, staring into the fire. "I must be paranoid or something. Maybe I'm not used to being 17 again; I know I look like I am, but I still feel like I'm 78, and not too many people were interested in what I had to say anymore."

"It's not like that, dude," I told him. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather hear this kind of stuff from. And I'm way more likely to pay attention if I'm hearing it from you. I mean…I might have rolled my eyes if, I don't know, Stan's grandfather told me what you just said." Butters laughed. "But coming from you? It's a completely different story. I might actually learn something."

"It's too bad I won't remember any of this," Butters said wistfully. "But maybe you fellas…you know, when there's just one of you again? Maybe you could try to remind me once in a while." He scooted closer to me, putting an arm around my back and resting his head on my shoulder.

I nodded, reaching around to pull him closer. " _We_  will," I told him. We were both looking pointedly at Kenny, sitting a couple feet away. He smiled almost bashfully and crawled over to sit next to me on my other side.

"You bet we will," he said. We watched the fire in silence for a few minutes. I could feel them both growing restless beside me. I was about to suggest something when Kenny beat me to it. He hesitantly reached up and put his hand on my shoulder. "Rough day, huh?" He was looking at me carefully as his hand moved to the back of my neck.

"It's been a bad day for all of us," Butters said, his fingers joining Kenny's and tickling the top of my spine.

"Well…" It occurred to me that, of the three of us, even as shitty as it was my day was going better than either of theirs. I wasn't 78 years old and dying of old age a few hours ago, only to come back here and have to die again, this time of a gunshot to the head; and I wasn't the one who organized an overnight campout that would end with being forced to kill two people that I love to save the world.

Both their hands moved down my back, tracing slow circles that sent shivers throughout my body. I could feel Butters' eyes burning into me as he said: "I bet I know how we can make your day better."

I closed my eyes. "Um guys…you don't have to—"

"Shsh, Kenny," Butters whispered, leaning in close to kiss my cheek. He kept his lips next to my ear afterward as he whispered, "Let us do this, okay? Let  _me_  do this."

I turned to look at him, and couldn't possibly say no to the earnest look he was giving me. I nodded and whispered, "okay…"

"Good." Kenny leaned in and began kissing my other cheek, mirroring every move Butters made the way he had mirrored mine the first time the three of us had done this. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against my knees, reveling in the feeling of their fingers gliding over my shirt and their lips on my cheeks and neck. It seemed to go on forever, but eventually they reached under my shirt together and began sliding their fingertips slowly up and down my back. Every inch of my body was tingling delightfully.

"Put your arms up," Kenny whispered and I obeyed, holding them over my head while they lifted my shirt off. They began kissing me again, urging me to lie down. They worked their way over my throat and down my chest. My eyes were still closed; I felt two pairs of hands undoing my buckle and zipper and raised my hips so they could ease my pants and underwear down together past my knees. Each of them untied one of my boots and slipped them off along with my socks; I heard them hit the ground somewhere nearby. The fire felt warm against the soles of my feet.

I could hear them moving next to me and peeked for a moment, watching them both quickly taking off their own clothes. I closed my eyes again and lay back as they came at me, once again trailing kisses slowly down my stomach. I was already hard when they both began working on me, lips and fingers and tongues moving together along my cock. I raised my head to look at them. Their faces were silhouetted by the campfire, and the sight of them both pleasuring me nearly sent me over the edge. I laid my head back down and moaned loudly.

"Oh, that sounds promising," I heard Kenny whisper. His breath was warm on my thigh.

I reached down, pulling on Butters' shoulder to bring him to me. His eyes were wide and amazed as he crouched over me. I pressed my lips to his desperately, reaching behind his head to pull him close as Kenny went to work on me alone, doing things to me I didn't know my mouth was capable of. I kissed Butters until I reached the point of no return, then pulled away and buried my face against the side of his throat, crying out in ecstasy as I came. It seemed to go on forever, and when it finally ended I went limp, trying to catch my breath. Butters laid his head over my pounding heartbeat and wrapped an arm around my side.

"Wow," Kenny said, climbing up to lie alongside us and kiss Butters.

"Fuck…I'll say." I was suddenly very tired and curled up contentedly while Butters ran his fingers through my hair.

"Hey guys," Kenny whispered, leaning over to kiss me; I could taste my come on his lips. "Would it be all right if…?" He trailed off, but I knew what he was asking, and from the expression on Butters' face he did too. Butters gave me a barely perceptible nod, and I answered for both of us.

"Yeah, it's okay." He wanted Butters to himself for a while, and I couldn't find it in me to refuse. After what he's been through, and what's going to happen to us soon, he deserved this. "I think I'll go to sleep."

Kenny's face was unreadable. "Thanks." Butters was watching us closely, and I closed my eyes and put a forearm over them.

I sensed them move to the far side of the sleeping bag. I could hear them whispering but couldn't make out anything they were saying. I briefly considered watching them but my own tiredness won out and I drifted off to sleep.

**0-0**

I awoke alone, and wondered for a moment if I had just reincarnated outdoors somewhere at dawn, without the usual pain. Then I remembered where I was and sat up. Someone had tended our fire recently, and my clothes were arranged neatly next to me.

"Over here, Kenny." I turned toward the sound of Butters' voice. He and Kenny were sitting together on the fallen tree, holding the bucket of chicken between them having breakfast and looking at me.

I reached for my clothes and quickly put them on and stood up, stretching. Butters patted the tree on his other side and I walked over and sat down next to him.

"We saved you the biggest piece," Butters said, handing the bucket of chicken to me. I reached in and pulled out a chicken breast and bit into it. It was cold, greasy, and absolutely delicious. Kenny handed me a plastic fork and the container of German potato salad and I dug in hungrily.

After a few minutes Kenny stood up, brushing crumbs off his pants legs. He looked down and smirked. "Hey guys? I'm, um…" He smiled. "I'm gonna go tinkle."

Butters and I both laughed. " _Tinkle?_ " I asked him sarcastically.

Butters chimed in, "Yeah, Kenny! I don't think  _I've_  even used that word since I was about six."

Kenny grinned. "Leopold—not you, my oldest son—used to say that as a joke. By the time he was 16, he was like six foot two and weighed 200 pounds of mostly muscle. It was funny as hell when he'd say that." He turned and walked off, and I looked at Butters watching Kenny as he walked away.

"So," I said hesitantly. We were alone for now; Kenny had gone all the way to the edge of the field, well out of earshot to piss. "Good morning."

"Morning, Ken." He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I sighed contentedly, wrapping my arms around his back and breathing in his scent for a moment before asking the question that was most on my mind.

"It looks like you two have been talking. How long have you been up?"

Butters nodded against my shoulder. "A couple hours. And yeah…we've been talking...including about what we're going to do later. He showed me how to hold the rifle and aim it and everything; and Kenny? I—I think I'm going to be okay with this."

I bit my lower lip, looking behind Butters' car toward the sunrise. "That must have been some talk." It was two more hours I wished I could have had with him.

He must have read my mind because he hugged me harder. "Aww…don't be jealous, Ken." We both watched Kenny for a moment, still standing at the edge of the field, only now he was crouched down inspecting something, a pine cone maybe. Butters noticed me watching him. "He's going to stay there until I tell him it's okay to come back. I—I told him I wanted to talk to you alone for a while. There's something I need to tell you."

I nodded. "Okay…thanks."

He leaned back so he could look me in the eye. "He's so  _different_ , Kenny! I mean…he's real nice and all, but he's not you." He reached up to brush his fingers through my hair. "This is what I wanted to tell you: If I had never met you, and just met him for the first time, well I—I think we'd probably be friends, but I don't think I'd ever fall in love with him. I…Kenny, I think last night meant the world to him. It's been a really long time since he'd been with anyone…and I know he wants to thank you for letting me do that for him." He moved his hand down to touch my cheek. "But…I love  _you_ , Ken. Okay?"

I was speechless for a moment. That was exactly what I needed to hear. "Oh, wow," I finally whispered. "Thank you." I reached out to pull him close again. "I love you too."

We looked at each other for a long moment. I was suddenly aware of the sound of birds in the trees greeting the morning. "So…" Butters finally said. "We're all good then?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

We both stood up and looked at Kenny. "Hey, Ken!" Butters called. Kenny turned toward us and he added, "We're all done."

Kenny walked back across the field and rejoined us; Butters stepped back from us and said pointedly, "I'm gonna go take a piss."

Kenny and I laughed at that, and watched him walk around his car. When he was out of earshot, Kenny looked at me and smiled grimly. "Thanks, man."

I knew exactly what he was thanking me for. "You're welcome, dude. You deserve it; and um…thank you too. You know, for talking to him about what we're doing here. I don't know if I could have done it."

He nodded. "Yep…I told you he was strong. You know…until yesterday, I haven't seen him in six decades; but I knew him almost three years longer than you." He smiled. "I know what he's capable of."

I hugged him, and we held each other quietly. Butters returned a few seconds later. He looked at us sadly and said, "Fellas…you ready to get this over with?"

**0-0**

Time seemed to speed up after that; everything was suddenly happening much too fast.

Butters and I each carried a pumpkin from the trunk of his car over to the fallen tree, while Kenny brought the rifle and sock containing the three cartridges and the roll of duct tape. He also brought the paper towels, and set everything on the ground beside the tree, leaning the rifle carefully against it. Butters and I set the pumpkins down on the tree in a long wide split in the wood where they would sit without rolling off.

"This was a good idea, taking a practice shot first," Kenny said, handing Butters the roll of tape. I couldn't help but agree, if for no other reason than it delayed my getting shot for a few more minutes, and gave us one last thing to do together. I held the two pumpkins against each other while Butters peeled off a long strip of tape and wound it around them, securing them together. He stepped back when he was finished to look at his work.

Kenny reached inside the sock and removed one of the shiny brass cartridges. He picked up the rifle, unchambered it and slid the cartridge into the gun, closing the chamber again with a loud click. He started to hand the rifle to Butters and then stopped.

"Okay…what's the number one most important rule again?"

Butters replied, reciting as if from memory: "Don't put my finger anywhere near the trigger until I'm ready to fire; and when I do, squeeze the trigger, don't pull it."

"Right." Butters took the gun from him and I watched him crouch down next to the tree, the gun pointed skyward and his finger carefully curled around the outside of the trigger guard.

" _Don't_  shoot yet," Kenny said. He was tearing two inch-wide strips off of a paper towel. "Kenny and I can stick our fingers in our ears; you need to wad these up and put them in yours. But first, what's the number two rule?"

"Imagine a straight line starting at the end of the barrel and coming out where I want it to on the second…pumpkin," Butters replied, again sounding like he was repeating something he'd memorized. "I got this Ken, I promise."

"I know you do." Butters carefully set the rifle against the tree while he stuffed his ears with the strips of paper towels. He picked the rifle up again and braced the stock against his shoulder and sighted down the barrel carefully taking aim, his finger still safely away from the trigger.

"Dude?" Kenny was looking at me, the tips of his index fingers stuck into his ears. I nodded and did the same, making sure I was blocking as much sound as possible. I know how fucking loud this gun is.

Butters was absolutely still as he sighted down the barrel. I watched him slowly move his index finger to the trigger and curl around it; even the birds in the trees seemed to fall silent as I waited—

**BANG!**

The two pumpkins exploded at the same instant I flinched. "Holy fuck," I muttered, taking a step back and pulling my fingers from my ears while the echoes from the blast died away. My fingers hadn't blocked out enough of the sound to keep my ears from ringing.

Kenny was staring at me, his fingers still lodged firmly in his ears. The morning seemed unnaturally quiet after the echoes finally faded.

"Jesus…" Butters whispered, looking at the debris field in front of him. There was nothing left of either pumpkin larger than a child's fist, and an enormous smear of seedy orange pulp where the two pumpkins had been a moment ago.

"How did that feel?" Kenny asked, carefully reaching out to take the rifle from Butters, who almost looked as though he'd forgotten he was holding it.

Butters' face was pale. "It…it was about what I expected."

Kenny nodded, and reached down to pick up another cartridge from the sock on the ground. "You think you're ready to do this for real?"

 _Not wasting any time._  Butters looked to me as if for assurance. I shook my head, having trouble looking him in the eyes.

"I—I guess so." Kenny chambered another cartridge and handed the rifle back to Butters.

It was time. And everything seemed to be happening much too fast.

Kenny and I tried sitting next to each other on the log and quickly discovered that our shoulders prevented us from putting our heads close enough together. We looked at each other helplessly for a moment.

"Let's try this," Kenny said, scooting backward on the log and patting the space he'd made between his thighs. "Sit here."

I nodded, stood up, and sat down again between his knees. By leaning my head back, I could rest it on his right shoulder close enough that our ears touched. "Yeah… this'll work."

Butters looked at us approvingly. "Yes it will." He began to peel off a long strip of duct tape from the roll in his hands.

"Woah," Kenny said; he almost dumped me onto the ground as he abruptly sat up straighter. "You're going to tape our heads together too?"

Butters looked surprised by the question, as though the answer had been obvious. "Well, yeah." His eyes narrowed. "I…thought you knew that. I want to do everything I can to make sure this goes right."

"It makes sense," I replied. "In case one of us flinches at the last second or something." I looked toward the ground. "It might be a good idea if we say everything we need to before you do that though. It's going to be pretty fucking uncomfortable."

We looked at each other uncertainly, and I wondered if I was as pale as they were. Butters spoke first. "I…I love you fellas; and I just want this to be over with so I can forget about it."

"I love you guys too," Kenny said, his voice trembling. He sounded as though he was fighting tears. "Butters…don't look at us afterward, okay? Just drop the gun and leave. It'll find its way back to my parent's closet when everything resets." He looked at me as if for confirmation.

"That's right," I replied. "And…" It felt like there should be a thousand things left to say, but I suddenly had nothing else to add except, "I love you guys too."

That seemed to be it. Butters took a step closer holding up the duct tape, and Kenny said: "Let's do this."

Butters tore off the first strip of tape he'd peeled off a minute ago and carefully wound it around our heads. He peeled off another long strip and secured it just above the first piece, pressing it carefully into place. Despite how gentle he was being, the tape was pulling on my hair everywhere it was stuck to me, and now I wanted this to be over with just so I wouldn't have to feel that anymore.

Butters took a step back to look at what he'd done. I closed my eyes, waiting. I could hear Butters settling beside me, and almost sense the end of the barrel an inch from my head. Kenny took my hand and our fingers squeezed each other's desperately. This moment, unlike the last two minutes, seemed to go on forever. The whole world seemed to be waiting for what was about to happen.

"I love you, Kenny!" Butters said and squeezed the trigger.

I didn't feel, or hear, a single thing. I just found myself once again in that gray darkness that always comes just before I wake up in my bed in agony. Apparently I'd completely skipped the usual stop in hell this time. I had a split second to wonder if this had worked—

**...**

_…_ _Oh my God…_


	11. Nothing Gold Can Stay

Chapter 11 – Nothing Gold Can Stay

I don't want to get up yet, okay?

In fact the way I feel right now, I may never get out of bed again.

I knew immediately that our plan had worked, because I suddenly had an entire lifetime of memories and recollections of events I never experienced and people I never actually knew. They were  _his_  memories, and now they were mine as well, right there ready to be recalled and examined as easily as my own.

It was overwhelming. I couldn't block the mad rush of them racing through my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut and carefully rolled over on my side clutching my pillow, trying to ride out the pain gripping my entire body while I attempted to make sense of it.

It wasn't too surprising that Kenny hadn't told us a lot of the things that had happened to him during his 78 year lifetime. Of course it would have taken a lot more time than the few hours the three of us had had together; but he had never even hinted at the tragic things that he had gone through.

Leopold had been killed in an accident soon after his 19th birthday. One of the neighbor's tractors was broken down and he was working on it alone. Apparently he'd gotten it started and had been run over by it. Kenny's family had never really recovered from that tragedy, and when Sandra died unexpectedly when Kenny was 68, he spent the last ten years of his life slowly drinking himself to death at night while working odd jobs during the day. Only Kerry had stayed close by; Kevin moved east seeking construction work in the rebuilding of the country.

His depression had been its worst during the last few weeks of his life when it was obvious he was dying. His body had finally given out even though his mind was as sharp as ever, and Kenny had mourned what he considered a wasted life.

I had all his memories, but there was still one unanswered question: Where did  _he_  go? And as soon as I thought that I felt something stir in my mind, and heard a voice that sounded like mine say something to me that I didn't think.

_Hey…it wasn't all bad, you know._

It was him.

"Oh Jesus…you  _are_  still there." I clutched my pillow harder and buried my face into it, wishing all this would stop.

 _Of course I am_ came that voice inside my head again. He didn't actually say it, but I heard him think:  _Where else would I be, Scottsdale?_

"Uh uh," I said, shaking my head vigorously in negation. "Nope. I can't do this."

His tone changed instantly, becoming concerned.  _Do what, Ken?_

"Go back to my life now," I said bitterly, crushing my face against the pillow to wipe away the sudden tears leaking from my eyes. "With all these memories of what you've been through." A deep ache began settling into my shoulders from when I'd shaken my head a moment ago. I knew it was going to get worse before it got better and the pain would soon make talking impossible. "And  _YOU_ …inside my head, talking to me like a fucking peanut gallery." My back seized up in an agonizing spasm, and I focused on my breathing, trying to ride it out.

_Okay Ken, just slow down all right? Let's get through you reincarnating first…then we'll talk._

I realized  _he_  was feeling the pain too, and couldn't help but feel a little glad that I wasn't the only one going through it, as well as guilty that he knew I was thinking that.

Then I realized he didn't hold my thinking that against me, and I forced myself to  _stop thinking_  while the pain crested and began to ease.

 _Y'know…if I could…"_ Kenny voice was agonized.  _I'd hold you and try to keep you still, like you and Butters did for me. But I can't…so please, try to keep it together and ride this out with me._ I saw his memory of that; he had felt more lost than I do right now during those first few minutes he'd reincarnated here in this bed after dying of old age. By holding him, Butters and I had possibly saved him from spiraling into madness. It was a strange sensation, seeing that moment from both our perspectives.

I nodded, but carefully this time, mindful of the spasms in my shoulders. The pain was letting up, and at least that part of this nightmare would be over soon.

 _Hey…remember this?_ He asked suddenly and thought of something, a memory so old it felt like it should be sepia-toned, and I knew at once that this was one of his favorite memories, and that he was trying to distract me from the pain with it.

I was carrying a squirming ten week old German Shepherd into our kitchen, and Leopold had looked up from the table, his birthday cake momentarily forgotten and his face lighting up with joy when he spotted him.  _Leo!_ Kerry had shouted excitedly from his highchair.  _You got a puppy!_

That dog had stayed with us for fourteen years and had mourned Leopold's disappearance every bit as much as the rest of the family. He'd become my dog afterward, rarely leaving my side and sleeping between Sandra's and my feet, and he'd had a well-tended grave behind my house after he left us.

 _Or this…_  Kenny said, and sent me another memory, this time of cuddling with Sandra late at night after the kids were in bed. I had loved her, but not in the all-consuming first time love way I had Butters, who had eventually (no matter how hard I resisted) become a distant memory. She was my best friend, and the love I felt for her had grown slowly over time.

 _Or this…_  Another memory, this time of family reading night: Sandra and our three kids passing around a well-worn paperback copy of 'The Lord of the Rings' and reading aloud to each other. Kevin used to hold Kerry in his lap and help him with the bigger words when it was his turn to read.

"You knew it would be something like this, didn't you?" I asked, and didn't need to wait for him to answer; I could see it in his mind. I had been incredibly naïve, not having a single clue what it would be like for the two of us to be smashed back together into a single person again. He, on the other hand, had had decades to think about it, even though he didn't know what form it was going to come in.

I sucked in a sharp breath when I stumbled across another of his memories. It had only taken him fifteen minutes to teach Butters everything he needed to know about how to hold our dad's rifle and fire it. They'd spent the rest of the four hours they'd shared together while I was asleep talking about life, what it was like to get old, and what he thought would happen if Butters successfully killed us both at the same moment. He hadn't told Butters about any of the sad times either; there'd been no good reason to.

Butters had  _known_  what this would be like for me while he was wrapping duct tape around our heads. I was preparing to say something about how it would have been nice if they had clued me in as well, then realized that maybe it was better this way.

Most of the pain of returning had eased, and I sensed Kenny preparing to talk to me.

 _Ken?_ His voice was cautious.  _I can't do anything about the memories…but you can! You can either choose to pick through them and remember all the bad times; or you can think about the better ones…and learn something from them. And don't make the same mistakes I did._

I nodded, feeling the first bit of hope in what felt like a bottomless well of despair when I realized he was right. "Yeah," I replied. "Geez, that last ten years of your former life—"

_I know. I was a mess, man. I'd do it all differently now if I could… Hopefully things will go better this time. And even if they don't? I—I'd still make better decisions, knowing what I know now. Try not to hold that time against me, okay?_

He was pleading with me, and I knew I couldn't fault him for those last ten years; his memories of them weren't only of the tragic events themselves, but the depth of his grief as a result of them as well. Given the same circumstances, I might have made similar choices.

 _And as for me being in your head? That isn't going to be a problem either, and I'll tell you why. Yeah, it feels great to be inside this body again, instead of that sad pile of skin and bones I became, but you still gotta remember something: I'm 78 years old._ I could hear him laughing.  _I'm fucking tired, man! I'm more than ready to turn this ship over to you and kick back and let you steer. Hell, I think I might even be able to go to sleep._

"Really?" I whispered into the pillow. I could see in his mind that he was telling the truth: He  _was_  content to 'retire' as it were, and let someone younger (and with all his experiences) take over.

 _Yep…see? You'll be all right Ken, I promise. Especially if you do a better job than I did tending your life._ I smiled, completely involuntarily, and realized it was  _him_  doing it.  _Don't make me have to wake up again and kick your ass, dude._

I laughed, hugging the pillow harder and imagining I was cuddling with him.

"You know?" It felt strange talking to him as a friend again, instead of like he was just an alien voice in my head. Even though I knew he already knew what I was going to say next, I said it anyway because I needed the closure it would bring. "I know I can't live with you talking to me inside my head for the rest of my life…but I'm going to miss you, dude." I could sense him listening. "I'm not really sure how to say goodbye to you."

_You pretty much already have. Remember man, you're inside my head too…and being able to see that you're going to learn from my mistakes and make a few better choices is good enough for me. I'll be able to rest just fine._

I nodded, still clutching the pillow. We lay quietly for a moment, contemplating how to say our farewells.

 _Hey…do you remember this?_  He sent another memory to me. It looked like another family reading night, and it took me a moment to recall this exact occasion, and when I did I sat up in wonder, the pillow tumbling to my lap. It was one of his favorite memories.

"Oh God…of course I do!" We had been reading the novel 'The Outsiders' and it was Kerry's turn to read a page from it. He had come to the passage where Ponyboy recited the Robert Frost Poem to Johnny while they were hiding in the abandoned church.

Kenny and I said the first line together:  _"Nature's first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold…"_

I knew where he was going with reminding me of this and smirked. "Good one, McCormick," I said, interrupting us from recalling the rest of the poem. "How old was I then?" I wanted to hear the answer directly from him, rather than search his memory for it.

 _Well, I think Kareberry_ (I smiled fondly at the nickname)  _–was about seven, and he'd been reading for a couple years by then, so we were about…fifty seven-or-eight or so?_

I nodded, immersing myself into the memory for a moment. Kerry had read the entire poem, sounding out the words without needing any help, and afterward we'd stopped reading for the night and stayed up long after the kids' bedtimes talking about what that poem meant to each of us.

"I know why you made me remember that," I said, laying back down and pulling the pillow against my chest. I could tell that he was at peace, and we both knew we were saying our goodbyes now.

 _You like that, huh?_ I nodded, closing my eyes.  _So...I g_ _uess this is it, then._

"Yeah. I…" I fumbled for words and could only come up with "Good bye, Ken. Thanks for everything. I mean it."

_Make that so long for now. I've got a feeling we'll cross paths somehow in the next lifetime. Oh…and one more thing…_

I smiled sadly as a single tear rolled down my cheek. "Yes?" I whispered, knowing what he was going to say next.

_Kenny…stay gold._

"I will," I replied, but he was gone. It was as though he had winked out of existence, and I was once again alone inside my own head. Only his memories remained, and I knew I would always have those. I began looking through them, avoiding the sad ones for now, knowing I'd have plenty of time to dwell on them in the future. I thought of memories of Christmases and birthdays, of working together in our garden and helping Sandra homeschool our boys. The entire family had once comforted Kevin when a field mouse he tried to rescue from one of our barn cats had died.

My trip down someone else's memory lane was cut short by an unmistakable sound from outside. It was Butters' car, pulling into the empty lot across the street and parking. I smiled and sat up when I heard his car door slam.

I climbed out of bed and quickly got dressed. Then I hurried to the window; and for the last time ever, I was aware of Kenny's presence as I felt his heart soar with joy alongside mine as I opened the curtain and looked out at Butters hurrying across my front yard. I raised the window and stepped back.

He stuck his head into the room and grinned at me.

"Hey Kenny!" he said happily and started to climb through the window. "Did you miss me?"

THE END

Except that's not quite the end; there's still one more chapter to go: an alternate ending, or another way all of this could have turned out under the circumstances.

Thanks to everyone who left a review for this! They really mean a lot.


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